.............:::::i promise you, me:::::.............

I'm BACK!

2010-02-14T05:29:00.000-08:00

“Come, come whatever you are, it doesn’t matter
Whether you are an infidel, an idoleter or a fire-worshiper
Come, our convent is not a place of despair
Come,even if you violated your swear
A hundred times, come again.”

Mevlana

that's it for now :)

the day i was born 22 years ago...

2009-03-03T07:12:00.000-08:00

hey there, salam..

today was my birthday and it didn't start on a good note. this was because my medication ran out and i couldn't sleep last night. however, that didn't stop the day to proceed to a higher octave.

it stared off with me doing the laundry i've put off since the last decade. then had a subway lunch with my bro (his treat as always).

kim and zayan picked me up at setiawangsa station and went to Lot10 to pick up kim's new watermelon (because of the pink and green colour of it) Roxy glasses~ (it's super awesome, what a colour i tell you and it fits kim perfectly!). on the way there i told them that it was my birthday today, since they seemed like they didn't remember (no hard feelings guys, it's no big deal really :D) so we decided to have tea at DELIcious. the food there is heaven~

later for dinner we (my bro and i) went to pick mum up from the LRT station and had dinner at OldTown in Jusco AU2.

despite having not slept the whole night yesterday and no hope for a good wink today too...today was not bad at all...it was actually VERY good!

and i'm glad for all the wishes from all my friends. old and new. and very old!

thank you all

2009-03-03T06:09:00.000-08:00

Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby.

-Ruth E. Renkel

Look Go

2009-02-28T03:24:00.001-08:00

Do you know when I escape
To where my dreams take?
The scattered ashes I try to catch
Left me breathless and ragged

Do you know when at night
To where my journeys end?
The billowing wind shakes the trees
Giving me peace and sadness creeps

Do you know when I see
To where my captures seize?
The bothering sun beam stings
But gives light you dismissed

Do you know when I breathe
To where the whiteness bleaks?
These red rings bleed
Searing pain is not for the weak

Do you know when waves crash
To where the pearl sleeps?
Erase what attracts and match
Forcing me to count sheeps

Do you know when the sun rises
To where the eagles fly?
Stumble and fall, fear and cry
But that does not mean I do not try

Look.

Tell me you don’t know
And
Go.

black henna

2009-02-19T19:40:00.000-08:00

2009-02-18T05:54:00.000-08:00

A religious leader came to visit Rabi'a, and was shocked to see that her clothes were in tatters. He said: 'There are many people who would provide you with decent clothes, if you would only allow them.' Rabi'a replied: 'Everything in this world is on loan to us from God. I am ashamed to accept the loan of a loan.' The man went away, and said to others: 'It is astonishing that a mere woman has reached such spiritual heights. She refuses to spend any time on material matters.'
-Attar, "Rabi'a"

Grief clouds thought and reason, and harms both the soul and the body; so you should repel it, or reduce it as much as possible. This can be done in two ways: you can strive to prevent grief from occurring; and you can banish grief when it does occur.
-Razi: Kitab al-Muluki

will i?

2009-02-17T23:55:00.000-08:00

crisp brown leaves flying
creeping, maybe i could win
this battle within, kept me wondering
all this toil, suffering and sacrifices
will it lead to the mystical spring with a hint of winter
or only to a carpet of ashes and cinders?

come escape with me

2009-02-13T04:33:00.000-08:00

shadow of the wind
show me something blue
tell me just don't mind
this happens to you too

whisper of the tree
give me a paradigm
so that i can finally see
things that aren't worth a dime

shimmer of the stream
prove to me again
occurrences are not what they seem
look not at what you can gain

silence of the rain
i shall join you
and share your pain
if this doesn't come through

stay with me wind
and tree be my shelter
i won't mind
taking care of you later

stream, cool my heat
and rain, cleanse me deep
stop and greet
take that faithful leap

-shaqyl

awak ni dah kenapa?

2009-02-12T07:26:00.000-08:00

kenapa ya kalau saya buat kebajikan (buat baik la kiranya) (bukan nak bangga ke apa, bukan nak menunjuk ke apa) yg pada pandangan orang terlampau baik sangat, orang tegur.

kalau orang lain buat jahat yg terlampau sangat, tak ada pula mereka tegur.

saya rasa kecik hati jika orang tegur begitu.

kenapa saya tak boleh buat? bukannya saya buat benda buruk pun.

saya suka, ia memberi ketenangan.

saya patut ignore kn?

tapi tak mungkin saya boleh buat begitu, saya manusia juga.

2009-02-11T08:50:00.001-08:00

Seek a true friend,
for a friend seeks the benefit of a friend,
Do good to the people for the sake of God
or for the peace of your own soul
that you may always see what is pure
and save your heart from the darkness of hate.
-Rumi, "Mathnawi"

2009-02-10T07:38:00.000-08:00

That which God said to the rose,
and caused it to laugh in full-blown beauty,
He said to my heart,
and made it a hundred times more beautiful.
-Mathnawi [III, 4129]

The first who will be summoned to paradise are those who have praised God in every circumstance.
-Traditional Islamic Saying

wwwhat do you think???

2009-02-10T04:00:00.000-08:00

i was just staring at my ceiling the other night waiting for my pill's effect to kick in, this thought came to me. it might be a common topic but i haven't talked about it thoroughly yet.

you know how kids these days follow the western way of 'coupling' right?

now, i think, because of this trend, marriage doesn't seem like the obvious choice if you meet someone you could love. they would prolly think, why get official with marriage when 'coupling' makes it official too.

when you get together and announce yourselves as a 'couple'. you get more intimate, touching and sharing stuffs. and then when you get married, the pull is gone, the attraction might last for a while after the wedding but it will eventually fade (in most cases, which end in divorces)

i mean where's the fun in that? not fun, FUN! you get what i mean.

the girl/guy prolly have 'coupled' a few times before (an assumption). this, i think erases some of the sparks of a person.

you are married to someone who has been with someone else before, someone else has touched (lovingly) her/him before you did, you have touched someone else before too. the excitement of it is gone. there is nothing special about him/her anymore. sort of like been there done that. and some might even go to the unfathomable extend as to compare!

there isn't the charming electrifying feeling when you look at her/him because you know someone has had the same feeling before. you are never truly his, and he never truly yours.

so why 'couple' up?

like in the US, 49% of marriages result in divorces. why? because when you are in a unofficial-official relationship ('couple'), you fight and break-up. maybe not the small fights. but one big one does the job. so they bring that set of mind in to the world of marriage.

also, when you 'couple' the red line between wrong and right is magically removed. so there's no 'wrong' in having a 'sideline' when you're married to someone else.

look at the old couples, look at how blissfully happy they are. they truly belong to each other. spent their whole lives together, never with someone else before.

i would want that kind of a relationship. and it goes with my religion too. God is great

yes crushes, of course everyone has had them. they are harmless no? there's no wrong in having crushes the way i see it. as long as it's just a crush. not stalking or worshiping.

what do you think?

------------------------------------------

although, goofing around with friends is an entirely different thing.
the same rules apply, know your limit.

2009-01-22T05:43:00.001-08:00

A person once asked the Prophet Muhammad to pray for him. So the Prophet implored, "O Allah, kindle within his heart the light of faith, and afford him with the courage to avert earthly wiles and submit himself before Your will." When a person turns away from the world, he adheres to God, and God lavishes incredible bounty on him.

-Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jillani, "Fayuz E Yazdani"

==================================================

God has said, "Spend;" so earn something,
since there can be no expenditure without income.
Although He used the word, Spend absolutely,
read it, "Earn, then spend."

-Rumi, Mathnawi [V, 579-580]

something's in the air

2009-01-22T05:21:00.000-08:00

i am working on a personal project right now. well, making something for someone. it's not mine to begin with. it's the work of the person that i am making it for. make sense? it's the person's rough (and i mean roughest of the roughest) sketch. i promised to clean it up a long time ago. i bet the person does not even remember. although, that is to be discovered when i give it to the said person.

haha, twisted up there no? i am not gonna reveal what i am working on nor whom i will be giving it to. i will however tell you that i have FINALLY made progress with it. it's going somewhere, after months of just staring at it and have no idea whatsoever of where/how to start.

i went to the IIU library to look for references. emm got some, yes, but since i am no longer a student there (yes, i am not over it) i can't borrow the books. a friend offered to lend her card, but i refused, cause there were, say 4 books that i wanted to borrow plus i wasn't gonna use the whole book. didn't want to trouble her. anyways i made copies of the specific pages that i wanted at the photocopy centre. they are an angry bunch i must say, perhaps i caught them on a bad day? even so, ahh never mind~ they even made bad copies of the pages, they were dirty, and dark. i couldn't see the details, which is why i looked for references in the first place. huh -_-'

that aside, i am

very excited at the moment! touch wood. hopefully things will look up from here on.

and yes, of course i will post it here, soon as i have given it to the person. i let you know how it went too...

:)

2009-01-19T00:05:00.001-08:00

a good read

2009-01-18T23:59:00.000-08:00

Do not reveal to friends all the secrets you possess; they may one day become enemies. Do not inflict on enemies every injury in your power; they may one day become friends.
-Sadi, "Gulistan"

============================================

The Merciful is kind to those who are merciful. If you show compassion to your fellow creatures in this world, then those in heaven shall be compassionate toward you.
-The Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as narrated by Abd'Allah bin Amr

============================================

The sign of the friend of God is that he has three qualities: a generosity like that of the ocean, a compassion like that of the sun, and a humility like that of the earth.
-Bayazid in 'Attar, "Tadhkirat"

============================================

Do not strut proudly on account of your good deeds. Do not let pride waylay you. When you deem yourself holier than others, know that you have fallen into grave error because in your pride you believed yourself equal to God.
-Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jillani, "Futhul Ghaib"

Unusual (and fun!) Hang-out Ideas

2009-01-16T22:17:00.000-08:00

was just browsing through some blogs and i stumbled upon this from here

Unusual (and fun!) Date Ideas

Go on a search for as many good climbing trees as possible, climb as high as you both can in all of them, compile photo evidence
Go to a major chain bookstore, and leave notes to future readers in copies of your favorite books
Have her dress up as a ghost and you dress uup us Pacman. Walk around downtown holding hands, and whenever anyone sees you two, pretend to be embarrassed, and run off screaming “wocka wocka wocka.”
Create photo evidence suggesting that you went on an adventure that didn’t really happen
Dress up as superherous and stop at least one petty crime “ie. jaywalking, littering….”
Build forts out of furniture and blankets, and wage war with paper airplanes.
Try and visit as many people as you can in one night, and turn as many things inside their apartment upside down as you can, without them noticing.
Go to the airport, get the cheapest, soonest departing flight to anywhere when you show up, and stay there for a weekend.
Write a piece of fiction together. Outside at a cafe. Ask strangers when you get stuck.
Dress to the nines, pretend to be married, and test drive very expensive vehicles at an auto dealership.
Do the lamest tourist thing in your area that you have both secretly wanted to do forever. Have an unabashed good time!
In the middle of the night, drive to the beach, so you arrive just as the sun is rising. Have a breakfast picnic, then fall asleep together. Bring a sun umbrella.
Drive somewhere unknown and have dinner in a city you’ve never been to. With fake names.
Go to a minor league baseball game under the stars. Tell each other stories about how bad you are at athletics. Randomly cheer for both teams. Eat lots of Cracker Jack.
Go around the city with sidewalk chalk and draw hearts with equations inside on random things
Walk around a city and perform short silent plays in front of security cameras
With camera and pair of boots, make photolog of a day in the life of the invisible man.
Walk around the city all night and find a place to eat breakfast at dawn
Go to a restraunt and convince the cook to create something completely new for you.
Rent a movie you’ve never seen before. Set on mute and improvise dialogue.

------------------------------

just the other day we were wondering out loud, "i wish we could just find 'the one' right now, tired of waiting~"

-------------------------------

p/s: NOT that i am encouraging dating! merely a useless post. i, myself am not into these dating trends. again, just a fun post, you could do them with your friends!

-aah to make it friendlier, lets change the title 'Unusual (and fun!) Hang-out Ideas'

-also 'her' to 'him/her'

the watchers.

2009-01-08T14:05:00.001-08:00

design by shaqyl.

the eyes are mine. could you believe it? :P

-------------------------------------------------
i still have eyes that can see, i still a life i can live peacefully (doubtful)
the city that is pictured up there is still in one piece, is still living

open your eyes and see, see the pain i see
see the sadness, see the cruelness!
see the crumbling of the sacred city
see the stiff bodies, some in pieces

pray people pray!

get your butt up and do something for God's sake, for heaven's sake!

stop being so ignorant!!

thunder in their world

2009-01-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

Poem: Only Thunder [Thoughts About Gaza]

Sr. Marryam

“I was telling them this is thunder, don’t worry, don’t be afraid.”
—Ayman Atalla, 38, talking of his three children in the December 2008 Israeli massacre of Gazans

it’s only thunder
don’t you worry
don’t be afraid
lay your head down
close your eyes
because its only thunder

but father, father
the bombs are dropping
and i am afraid
our house is shaking
our windows breaking
and i am afraid

no child no
it’s only thunder
so don’t you worry
don’t be afraid
just lay your head down
and close your eyes now
for its only thunder

but father, father
the sky is smoking
and i am afraid
the streets are cracking
and boys next door are bleeding
and i am afraid

oh dear daughter
it’s only thunder
please don’t worry
don’t be afraid
go lay your head down
and let your eyes close
it’s only thunder cracking

but father, father
why wont you answer?
cant you hear me?
tell me, ‘don’t be afraid’
tell me, ‘don’t be afraid’
because i’m so afraid
i am so afraid

The World I Live In : Reflections on Gaza

Sr. Irum Sarfaraz

Far beyond the rusted iron bars On the window of my home
I see a world that is utopia to me
It watches its children grow up in peace
And sees them laugh
And sees them live
That world beyond is a bubble to me
That has perfect harmony
And color
And life
That world to me is a fairy tale
That exists for me
As fairy tales do
In books
And stories
And fables

The world I live in is no fable
Or utopia
Or fairy tale
The world I live in is a world
That functions
On one day to the next,
One breath to another and
One heartbeat to the second basis.
I’ve heard that the utopian world
Beyond my borders
Is a coveted one

But I have no time to remonstrate
Or passion to envy
Or desire to desire
Any longer
I buried my children in Gaza today

Poem: Reflections Over Tea

This mint came from Palestine she said
While she poured my tea, dark red and glowing
I looked up, blankly starring
This mint came from Palestine she said

I sip it
Slowly
Let it seep in

I try to let it all
Sink in
Some drinks
Aren't as sweet though

That's the problem

Like watching behind a screen
My homeland I never knew
Blow
Up
Before my eyes
Always behind
A screen

Then comes the wind
Blowing
Away the ashes
And drying my
Tearless face

The rain falls gently
Washing away some
Of the blood
Some
Of the debris from a bombed out building

In a green patch near a graveyard
The mint leaves quietly
Drink in
Their long awaited
Nourishment
In that homeland I never knew

2009-01-06T20:43:00.000-08:00

When Allah desires the redemption of His People, He causes them to suffer in this world. But when He is averse, He leaves them to transgress until death overtakes.

-The Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reported by Anas bin Malik

Dhu'l-Nun was asked: "What causes a devotee to be worthy of entrance to paradise?" He said: "One merits entrance to paradise by five things: unwavering constancy, unflagging effort, meditation on God in solitude and society, anticipating death by preparing provision for the hereafter, and bringing oneself to account before one is brought to judgment."

-'Attar, "Tadhkirat"

Gathering of the bunch

2009-01-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

it's been 4 days since the day. it was held on the 3rd of january at my house. i cooked. the menu was; chicken barbecue with yellow rice, spaghetti bolognese, salad, fruits and drinks and of course, my choc chip cookies~

although the turn up was a tad bit disappointing, we had fun! i mean i did (with the running back and forth and all) i don't know if it was mutual among the rest.

i am just glad that finally there was a gathering, i wouldn't mind hosting another one just as long as everyone will be there....

Asyura

2009-01-06T07:41:00.001-08:00

Sejarah Asyura

Menurut tradisi masyrakat Islam, Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. telahpun melakukan puasa Asyura sejak di Makkah lagi memandangkang puasa Asyura adalah amalan biasa masyarakat tempatan. Apabila baginda berhijrah ke Madinah, baginda turut mendapati yang kaum Yahudi turut berpuasa pada hari Asyura (atau bagi mereka adalah Yom Kippur yang juga pada hari kesepuluh). Ketika itu, Baginda mengesahkan dan mensyariatkan puasa sehingga ia menjadi satu kewajiban kerana baginda merasakan masyarakat Islam lebih dekat dengan Nabi Musa. Ibn Hajar al-asqalani, dalam pernyataannya terhadap sahih Bukhari mengatakan yang syariat puasa telah dijadikan kepada bulan Ramadhan setahun kemudian. Kini, masyarakat Islam melakukan puasa pada 10 Muharram sebagai amalan sunat dan bukan kewajiban.

Masyarakat Islam turut percaya akan berlakunya kejadian besar ketika 10 Muharram:

Hari pertama Allah menciptakan alam.
Hari Pertama Allah menurunkan rahmat.
Hari pertama Allah menurunkan hujan.
Allah menjadikan 'Arasy.
Allah menjadikan Luh Mahfuz.
Allah menjadikan alam.
Allah menjadikan Malaikat Jibril.
Nabi Adam a.s. dicipta.
Diampunkan dosa Nabi Adam a.s. setelah bertahun-tahun memohon keampunan kerana melanggar larangan Allah.
Nabi Idris a.s. diangkat darjatnya oleh Allah dan Malaikat Izrail membawanya ke langit.
Diselamatkan Nabi Nuh a.s. dan pengikutnya dari banjir besar selama enam bulan dan bahtera baginda selamat berlabuh di puncak pergunungan.
Nabi Ibrahim a.s. dilahirkan di kawasan pedalaman dan terselamat dari buruan Raja Namrud.
Nabi Ibrahim a.s. diselamatkan Allah dari api Raja Namrud.
Nabi Yusuf a.s. dibebaskan dari penjara setelah meringkuk di dalamnya selama tujuh tahun.
Nabi Yaakub a.s. telah sembuh buta matanya ketika kepulangan anaknya Yusuf di hari tersebut.
Nabi Ayub a.s. disembuhkan dari penyakitnya.
Nabi Musa a.s. telah diselamatkan daripada tentera Firaun dan berlakunya kejadian terbelahnya Laut Merah.
Allah menurunkan kitab Taurat kepada Nabi Musa a.s..
Nabi Yunus a.s. selamat keluar dari perut ikan paus setelah berada di dalamnya selama 40 hari 40 malam.
Kesalahan Nabi Daud a.s. diampuni Allah.
Nabi Sulaiman a.s. dikurniakan Allah kerajaan yang besar.
Nabi Isa a.s. diangkat ke syurga ketika diburu oleh tentera Rom untuk menyalib baginda.
Saidina Hussein ibni Ali telah syahid akibat dibunuh dengan kejam di Karbala oleh tentera khalifah Bani Umaiyyah iaitu Khalifah Yazid.

14 Perkara Yang Sunat Dilakukan Pada Hari Asyura
(10 Muharram, bersamaan Rabu, 7 JAN 2009 )

1. Melapangkan masa / belanja anak , suami & isteri2
fadhilat - Allah akan melapangkan hidupnya pada tahun ini.

2. Memuliakan fakir miskin
fadhilat - Allah akan melapangkannya dalam kubur nanti.

3. Menahan marah
fadhilat - Di akhirat nanti Allah akan memasukkannya ke dalam golongan yang ridha.

4. Menunjukkan orang sesat
fadhilat - Allah akan memenuhkan cahaya iman dalam hatinya.

5. Menyapu / mengusap kepala anak yatim
fadhilat - Allah akan mengurniakan sepohon pokok di syurga bagi tiap-tiap rambut yang di sapunya.

6. Bersedekah
fadhilat - Allah akan menjauhkannya daripada neraka sekadar jauh seekor gagak terbang tak berhenti-henti dari
kecil sehingga ia mati. Diberi pahala seperti bersedekah kepada semua fakir miskin di dunia ini.

7. Memelihara kehormatan diri
fadhilat - Allah akan mengurniakan hidupnya sentiasa diterangi cahaya keimanan.

8. Mandi Sunat
fadhilat - Tidak sakit (sakit berat)pada tahun itu
lafaz niat : 'Sahaja aku mandi sunat hari Asyura kerana Allah Taala'

9. Bercelak
fadhilat - tidak akan sakit mata pada tahun itu.

10. Membaca Qulhuwallah hingga akhir seribu kali
fadhilat - Allah akan memandanginya dengan pandangan rahmah diakhirat nanti.

11. Sembahyang sunat empat rakaat
fadhilat - Allah akan mengampunkan dosanya walau telah berlarutan selama 50 tahun melakukannya.
lafaz niat : 'Sahaja aku sembahyang sunat hari Asyura empat rakaat kerana Allah Taala'
Pada rakaat pertama dan kedua selepas fatihah di baca Qulhuwallah sebelas kali.

12. Membaca
'hasbiyallahhu wani'mal wakil wa ni'mal maula wa ni'mannasiiru'
fadhilat - Tidak mati pada tahun ini .

13. Menjamu orang berbuka puasa
fadhilat - Diberi pahala seperti memberi sekalian orang Islam berbuka puasa.

14. Puasa
Niat - 'Sahaja aku berpuasa esok hari sunat hari Asyura kerana Allah Taala'
fadhilat - Diberi pahala seribu kali Haji, seribu kali umrah dan seribu kali syahid dan diharamkannya daripada neraka.

Insya'Allah..

ni asna la ni~

2009-01-05T05:25:00.000-08:00

These are the top 40 careers (of 298) that match my color signature.

1. ARCHITECTURE (pre-architecture) - trained in the art and science of building design

2. POLITICIAL SCIENCE / GOVERNMENT

3. COMMUNICATIONS AND COMMUNICATIONS TECH.

4. GRAPHIC DESIGN

5. RELIGION

6. GRAPHIC AND PRINTING COMMUNICATIONS

7. LANDSCAPE ARCHITECTURE

8. INSPECTORS TESTERS AND GRADERS

9. STOCK CLERKS

10. COLLEGE AND UNIVERSITY FACULTY

11. WHOLESALE TRADE SALES WORKERS

12. MANUFACTURERS' SALES WORKERS

13. LINGUISTICS - study of the nature, structure, and variation of language.

14. BRICKLAYERS AND STONEMASONS

15. MANAGEMENT ANALYSTS and CONSULTANTS

16. FOREIGN LANGUAGES

17. ARCHITECTURE AND ENVIRONMENTAL DESIGN

18. ENVIRONMENTAL DESIGN

19. GENERAL MANAGERS and TOP EXECUTIVES

20. COMMERCIAL ART

21. ART (e.g. painting drawing and sculpture)

22. BUILDING CONSTRUCTION / CONSTRUCTION SCIENCE

23. AGRICULTURE AND AGRICULTURAL TECHNOLOGIES

24. THEOLOGY - the rational and systematic study of religion and its influences and of the nature of religious truth

25. BUSINESS AND MANAGEMENT

26. BROADCAST TECHNICIANS

27. CIVIL ENGINEERING - design and supervise the construction of roads, buildings, airports, water supply

28. FOOD SCIENCES / TECHNOLOGY

29. CINEMATOGRAPHY / FILM / VIDEO

30. MUSIC (liberal arts)

31. ARCHITECTURAL ENGINEERING

32. PHILOSOPHY - Love and pursuit of wisdom by intellectual means and moral self-discipline.

33. SECURITIES AND FINANCIAL SERVICES SALES REPS - ( stockbrokers )

34. ARCHITECTURAL DRAFTING

35. NUCLEAR ENGINEERING

36. COMPUTER ELECTRONICS REPAIR

37. CARPENTER

38. CITY - COMMUNITY AND REGIONAL PLANNING

39. SOCIAL SCIENCES

40. SPEECH - DEBATE and FORENSICS

My Top 10 personality features

1. Potency - Inherent capacity for growth and development; potentiality.
2. Self-Actualization - To develop or achieve one's full potential.
3. Dignified - having or expressing dignity; especially formality or stateliness in bearing or appearance.
4. Practical - Intended to serve a purpose without elaboration.
5. Reciprocity - mutual or cooperative interchange of favors or privileges.
6. Control - To exercise dominating influence over; direct.
7. Aggressive - having or showing determination and energetic pursuit of your ends
8. Greatness - The state, condition, or quality of being great; as, greatness of size, greatness of mind, power, etc
9. Smooth - Ingratiatingly polite and agreeable
10. Action - Habitual or vigorous activity; energy. Something done (usually as opposed to something said) nak? here

2009-01-05T05:22:00.000-08:00

BIG SMILE!! THANKS TO ASNA FOR SENDING ME A FREE PASS!!!!!!

18th Dec 08 chocolate

2008-12-18T08:18:00.000-08:00

'twas my sister's birthday...so we baked her a cake~

TAGGED by Asna

2008-12-18T03:24:00.000-08:00

The last person to tag you is...

Asna

Your 5 impressions towards him...

-FUN
-TALKATIVE (the good kind)
-SPONTANEOUS
-SMART
-EASY-GOING

The most memorable thing he had done for you...

hmm i can't remember~ sorry asna!!! (i'm soo forgetful these days)

If he becomes your lover, you will...

be shocked!

If he becomes your enemy, you will...

turn back time and correct it

If he becomes your lover, he needs to improve on...

his height

If he becomes your enemy, the reason is...

no idea~

How do you think people around you feel about you...

"She is too tall!"

The character of yourself is...

many facets

The most ideal person you want to be is...

me. a better more close-to-perfect version that is :P

For person who cares or likes you, say something for them...

love me. don't crush me

10 people to tag...

1.Kim
2.Munira
3.Maryam
4.Nazriq
5.Syazwan
6.Anisah
7.Zayan
8.Nabil
9.Hasanah
10.Hasbi

Who is number 2 having relationship with ?

number 7

Is number 3 a male or female ?

female

Is num 7 and 10 together would be a good thing ?

nope. both are guys~

How about number 5 and 8 ?

both are guys as well

What is number 1 studying ?

URP changed to HS (possibly Psychology)

When was the last time you had a chat with them ?

now and then...

Is number 4 single ?

nope

Talk something about number 2...

oh i would need some ( a lot) of time to do that. just read about her and her writings here

Penang 2008

2008-12-18T02:53:00.000-08:00

oh yes! i went to penang~ (5th-7th DEC 2008)

with munira. we stayed at kim's house.

Asna was supposed to come along but his mom fell down and cracked her back. so he has to stay back and take care of her and his siblings. we were bummed out he couldn't join. asna is so much fun!

we planned to go to the Penang Jazz Festival and we did! Adibah Noor was there. We went for the saturday show (6th Dec) specifically to see her. and guess what? we got a lot more~

Steve Hackett was there. he is truly wicked!! also Djabe was amazing~

i had a great time there with great company and a great tour guide (kim).

next time we're in penang we're gonna stay at the Cheong Fatt Tze Mansion.

Asna, you must come next time!

======================================pictures!

Botanical Garden

Jazz Fest

ASNA WE HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU FROM PENANG!!!!

read that first then read this

2008-12-18T02:13:00.000-08:00

that

=========================================

this.

yup we found a middle-earth like place here in the middle of the city!

i've gotta tell you, i went "subahanallah!" countless times.

Bukit tabuh is absolutely breath-takingly amazingly wonderfully beautiful place!

i didn't want to leave the place..

see for youself~ but the real thing is so MUCH MORE, thousand times better!

bukit mas water tank. that's where we started

the way up

munira and i

just GREEN

this is the gang

that's me!

that's my battle wound [read:leech-bite (i got 7)]

rock climbing!!

high up there~

two different worlds~ (that's the klang dam btw)

===========================================================

when we finally came down at the klang gate, we rested for a while before walking back 6km to the car (our starting point). my body gave away when walking up the hill where the car was. i just sat there, in the middle (okay, side) of the road and waited for them to come down for us.

then we heade to melawati for nasi ayam. and when i got up to walk to the car, my legs (thighs) cramped up. i couldn't move...man it was painful! cramps are common for me..so wasn't a big deal :)

i truly had the best day ever!

all thanks to MUNIRA for inviting~

P/S: credits to munira for some of the pictures (you know which moon)

sorry~

2008-12-18T01:32:00.000-08:00

i apologize from every cell in my being for the long long hiatus,
for going MIA and for losing my short story file~

wait what?

yup that's right folks i LOST it. i have no idea where i saved it. there was one copy in my (read: my bro's) thumbdrive but i deleted it off cause, well, cause i thought i saved it somewhere else as in my computer or laptop. turns out i DIDN't! haih...typical shaqyl move~

oh well i could always write another. BUT not at the moment cause i'm swamped with designing projects. who would've thought i'd still be doing this? EVERYONE of course. hm, my doctor said i still couldn't let go. then again how could i? it's sort of like second nature to me. i told her, perhaps i never will~

anyways yup lots to do. no holiday for me eyh

1. Websites (2 and more coming my way)
2. PR proposal for FFC (flag football club) (which i have submitted my draft but no one else seems to care to do their part...lalala~) (i still need to work on the posters!)
3. A design concept for a single release ( for a friend)
4. I forgot!!! (hmm it'll come to me later~)

sneaking~

2008-11-02T08:39:00.000-08:00

we are to do a short story, a narrative essay for writing class.

will be posting it here when i've done it.

it's due Nov 6th.

have so many ideas!! as usual fragments of them~

why do we do it? why do i?

2008-11-02T08:26:00.000-08:00

why do we procrastinate till the very last minute then regret doing it but proceed to do it all over again come next task?

just because we're humans?

perhaps that's the excuse we give.

reminder to shaqyl: go do your assignments now!!!

broadcast day!

2008-11-02T06:36:00.000-08:00

aah....my radio project!

almost done. (yea right!) lots to do.

the script!!!! is NOT done!

isabel and sabrina are supposed to do it. i've reminded them one too many times.....

well lemme tell you what's done

Public Service Announcements (PSAs)
Capsules (-Scariest Places)
Station ID
Promotions (-Roxy, Quicksilver, Fitness First)

here are the posters.....

^ this one is the first draft....didn't use it. only the two above are used.

drops on the way home

2008-11-02T06:28:00.000-08:00

i spent a day with him. not exactly a day.

supposedly 'my day' but there were interferences

not that i mind. well i do mind. especially the second one which i suggested.

hated myself for that.

but what am i to do?

the floods came rushing when i was on the bus on my way back home. i cried silently.
i took the back seat.

nobody noticed.

the whole time.....during the day, i had a question bursting to be let out

"what would you do if i left you?"

it never surfaced. i couldn't.

support him!

2008-10-14T20:44:00.000-07:00

remember this?

now it's an album already!!

DOWNLOAD

it's free people~

deserve

2008-10-14T20:24:00.000-07:00

thousands of apologies for not updating for quite a long time

so many things to say and yet i stay away..^_^

got my room back! yay me! we set up a new bed in the old computer room for grandma. now i don't have to 'merempat' anymore. got my computer back as well but sadly without Internet connection. we transferred the router to the dining hall cause my bro wants to be connected by network cables instead of wireless cause he's in charge of downloading stuffs. which means...the router is further away from my room...cables aren't long enough =_='

the wireless signal doesn't reach my room...too many obstacles (walls). i still hog my bro's computer then..haha. he complains about but i have a good come back now don't i?

things in school is not so great either...we have this radio project going where we have to produce a two-hour radio show. i'm the station manager. two of my group mates are not doing their part and to further increase my blood pressure they are putting the blame on me and the other group mates. ooh there's a lot of drama involved...lets not talk about that.

green team had a birthday party for azwar last monday. i actually met a few of my friends that night (i always do when i go to gombak). Ajmal came down from kuantan for an event (student excellence award. ajmal's a straight A student mind you, and he's doing medicine, my former ELS president). got to see him after 3 years! then bumped into taufiq, najwa (who also came down for the awards), shereen, firwan, hasbi...and a few others.

i'm always re-energized after a day or more spent at gombak. i just love the environment there.

as for my journey towards re-entering gombak. well, i'm currently drafting a letter to be sent to Ust Hamidon. Zayan suggested i do that. perhaps i'll have a shot. even if it is a long shot.

what else?? hmm...lots to write about, and it's all coming to me at one go. can't separate them...aiyoo..will update later la

oh yea the topic's supposed to be for another entry...tp biarla..as a reminder for me

teach me to live

2008-10-14T20:20:00.001-07:00

you're torturing me with an arrow
a blunt dagger, just above, hovering,
it gives me hope however,
just end this, end my sorrow

my one-man army preparing solely
against red-painted skies of enemy
merging with forests of allies
marching towards me remorseless

remember once you saw of bright visions
intertwining clutches of passion
making precise images of our future
and said "I’m going to take you further now"

have I mention of grey nights?
evolving slowly, seeping into the essence
bringing forth thousands of suffocating fumes
slithering mysteriously by inches

triangle tethers are forged mercilessly
forced to be worn leaving distinguishing marks
throwing all off balance in the chaos
our threshold is unsteadied by animosity

stop threading on my land
leaving muddy trails, stepping on blood of hurt
crushing new pockets of life
just finding the meaning of growth

orange leaves are soaring aimlessly
as if mocking me silently laughing continuously
to petty arguments, picking fights
give in if you must but keep your pride

I watch drops of rain colour the pavement
darker gaps between sun beams clearer
cracks on walls arranging layered patterns
saying one thing or another

I hear now chatters of life around me
young lives emit rhythmic inscriptions
happy notes stirs envy in my hollowed grounds
partly urging me to stand and see

perhaps it is time to sing out loud
write on soft waves in the wind or so
sway me to uncharted depths of new worlds
teach me to live wordless and proud

god is with the brohenhearted

2008-09-30T01:37:00.000-07:00

When Moses conversed with God, he asked, "Lord, where shall I seek You?"

God answered, "Among the brokenhearted."

Moses continued, "But, Lord, no heart could be more despairing than mine."

And God replied, "Then I am where you are."

-Abu'l-Fayd al-Misri, "The Kashf al-Mahjub"

must read...

2008-09-21T23:48:00.000-07:00

....this

update!

2008-09-16T05:45:00.001-07:00

called bodyshop, but they said they can't let me join. worth the try anyway. there's another possibility of things actually working out in my favour right? so, yea~

there's next year's to look forward to. ameen.

also, didn't get to sleep in the LRT on the way back cause my bro picked me up from school.

after which we went to pick up our money. earlier in january, we did this survey thing. where you count cars, bikes etc. at a certain road during peak hours. got 56rm. yay~

gonna save that for penang!

====================================

my bro will be getting a DSLR~ can't wait!

====================================

smile, even when no one is looking.

---------------------------------------------------

you don't take a photograph. you ask, quietly, to borrow it.

fixing the unfixable..

2008-09-15T19:31:00.000-07:00

now it's easier to find the way~

====================================================================

i got to thinking the other day...

i realised that i find (or they come to me) things to fix and fix it. and almost all the time i would be able to.

however, it hit me one day that i prolly fix things for others because i can't fix mine.

the three most biggest buggers in my life. two of 'em aren't present right now so perhaps i can push that to the tray marked 'later'. technically one is present but not physically. so i just won't count it...

the biggest of the biggest buggers is the one that i constantly think about. even more so on Mondays.

i might be contradicting my sentence before this, but Mondays have become my favourite day of the week. it sort of gives me two opposite feelings. in which i try to not think of the negative one until later that day during the one hour i take to fall asleep.

as for the positive energy i get from Mondays, i soak in every single bit of it and save it for the week long.

it is difficult for me to let go. it is difficult to let go.

i'm not ready yet. i haven't given up. i still have barrels of hope. and He is with me.

====================================================================

i had a wonderful meeting yesterday with GT.

we had new faces, zalikha (moon's studio mate), maryam (moon's sister) and claro (azwar's friend from the football club).

and for the second time in a row, azwar was present. i invited him though.

although yesterday, i had another realization, perhaps azwar doesn't really want to be there? does he feel forced to come? cause i have invited him quite a number of times...but to come two times in a row?

this is what was running across my mind last night "should i invite him again or should i just leave it open?"

because i do not want him to feel obliged to come just because of the insignificant favours i did for him.

aah come to think of it..i'm thinking too much. i shall stop now. by the way why am i even talking about azwar aka malaysian william hung???? meh~

---topic changing----

kim and shany are going to the international coastal cleanup in kuantan this weekend. which is so cool!

i only noticed the due date the day after it. i was thinking of asking kim if she would be going.

aah silly mistake!

anyway will try calling them and ask if i could join. worth a try ain't it

====================================================================

currently in the computer lab in school waiting for the next class. since it's ramadhan. if not i would be munching on several things down at the cafe. haha.

the unreliable LRT broke down again today. i reached my 8am class at 9am! thank God my attendance was accepted despite.

slept the whole way. head bobbing up and down. not very ladylike I KNOW. who cares? i was freakin' tired and sleepy.

planning on sleeping on the way back as well. looking forward to it :p

====================================================================

well i'll just go back to surfing now~

à tout à l'heure

2008-09-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

A man went back to transgressing after he had sincerely asked forgiveness of God and swore never to sin again. "How will God forgive me this time?" he asked in despair.

A heavenly voice responded, "You obeyed Me and I made amends for you, then you abandoned Me and I indulged you, and now that you returned to Me I shall receive you."

-Al-Hujwiri, "The Kashf al-Mahjub"

sambungan kepada szakif~

2008-09-14T06:33:00.001-07:00

okay gambar dr depan sudah diperolehi.

kiri:imran kanan:nabil

verdictnye???

2008-09-14T04:02:00.001-07:00

Sleep, angels will watch over you
And soon, beautiful dreams will come true.
Can you feel spirits embracing our souls
So dream, while secrets of darkness unfold.

( Hayley Westenra, Prayer )

2008-09-14T03:53:00.001-07:00

Maturity is the ability to do a job whether or not you are supervised, to carry money without spending it, and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.

2008-09-14T03:17:00.000-07:00

Write the bad things that are done to you in sand, but write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble.

-Arabic Proverb

tao

2008-09-14T02:34:00.003-07:00

The Ineffable, about which is spoken, is not the eternal Ineffable
A name for the Unnameable, is but a name
The Unnameable is what makes everything what it is
By naming things you divide the Indivisible
Only one who gives up all his desires can experience the Indivisible
One who still cherishes desires, will experience only dissension
Both will see the same reality, but experience it differently
One who goes from the false reality into the other,
Will pass through the narrow gate and receive the secret of true life

The Tao Te Ching of Lao Tzu

in between

2008-09-14T02:34:00.001-07:00

You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you . shaqyl.

speaking in public

2008-09-12T03:06:00.000-07:00

====================================================================

Good morning to Miss Nurzihan and to all.

If I were a philosophical extremist, I would hand pick several hundreds of people of the best features and attributes and keep them in an underground safe place. Then I will have everything blown up and destroyed to dust. I will build up everything from scratch with the utmost proper planning. But as we have learned through history, even when Noah brought onto his arc with him the believers, whom can be considered as a morally elite group at that time, while God drowned everyone else, the troubles of the world did not end, but instead it was reborn and carried forward to this day. Being an extremist is not the ultimate answer. That is why we humans have been scratching our heads figuring out how to manage all this madness.

So, I am standing here in front of you today with my proposal I made from a lot of head-scratching.

If I were prime minister...I would opt to practice secularism with a twist. What is secularism you ask? It is a principle of promoting secular ideas or values. I would adapt the secular ideology but with significant differences from an overall secular country to best suit Malaysia.

A secular state is a state or country that is officially neutral in matters of religion, neither supporting nor opposing any particular religious beliefs or practices. A secular state also treats all its citizens equally regardless of religion, and does not give preferential treatment for a citizen from a particular religion over other religions. Most often it has no state religion or equivalent. If there is a state religion, this should have only a symbolic meaning, not affecting the ordinary life of its citizens, and especially not making any distinction based on some one's religion.

It is also described to be a state that prevents religion from interfering with state affairs, and prevents religion from controlling government or exercising political power. Laws protect each individual including religious minorities from discrimination on the basis of religion.

If I were prime minister, we will have religious bodies for each faith to act as an advisory and consultancy institution for the parliament when it comes to matters regarding the respective faiths. I will have religious laws that concern only those within a particular faith and make these laws strong enough for that particular religion's religious officials to observe the believers' morals. Furthermore, I would have the parliament set up inter-faith laws, such that even atheists can not disrupt the inter-faith harmony without being brought up to the inter-faith court. I would have also a general religious court, where all religious matters of any faith will be dealt with, with the judges being well trained in their respective faith's laws, as for the inter-faith court, religious conversions fall under it including the changing on identification card details, inheritance policies and management of the dead. With the inter-faith court comes a body to deal with complications regarding conversions and to advise the parliament on matters concerning the inter-faith harmony i.e forming of laws.

Other than that, if I were prime minister, I would recognize all the potential art we have budding in this nation. This includes music, cinematography, various forms of visual art and more other categories you would have in an art community. If you really open your eyes to all this, you will see that we have the tools and we have the talents. What we do not have is the support from the government. If the government were to give funding and support to these people, there is great potential for us to be recognized as a country for its creative juices. We can have local stations air a significant amount of local acts, pushing foreign acts to second in priority. We already have certain rules governing the media, so we have the means to achieve this at minimal cost. In addition to that, airing more local acts would keep the royalty money flowing internally and that in turn would help our economy. While it is accepted that art should not be forced to a certain direction, the government should give a hand in exposure. Since we would set quotas on our broadcast stations, we can utilize this to support the local art scene by giving advertising discounts for art-related events.

As for the development of the country, in short, if I were prime minister, I would improve the planning of cities. If you have noticed we have really bad city planning. Everything is topsy-turvy. Several general amenities are not well kept or not in existence at all in some places. Which is a big turn-off for foreigners. How are we to generate foreign investors in this condition? Take Kuala Lumpur for instance, it was not formed with much planning in mind, but it can be fixed with careful planning. This is one way to give jobs to those many unemployed graduates! We will not go around destroying buildings which is not in the right spot, we would instead try to plan around it. Improve anything that needs improving, build what needs to be built and destroy things that serve no purpose but shall do so in caution so that buildings that hold a significant heritage value will be preserved. We have so few of those heritage buildings, it is important that we save them for the future generation to have as a symbol that there was a time when buildings did not look like a glass tube in the sky. A special branch would be formed under all the city hall to identify, restore and preserve historical areas and buildings. This in turn can be used as recreational and tourism purposes. I hope to see each town have their own historical spot(s) so that no matter where one goes in this country there is always an interesting place to visit. However, attention on preserving the past shall not affect the focus on the future. We shall build from our historical foundations and sprint forward to compete in the global economy. While the heritage sites will boost the tourism economy we will also continue with industrial and business developments. We will see to it that we do not waste taxpayers money by initiating more development corridors. Instead we will focus on further improving the existing ones to gain investors confidence and to expand these corridors if necessary. This will not only elevate the nation's economy, it also creates more jobs for the people.

I have more plans for this nation of ours if I were prime minister, but let me just stop here and end with a note of hope.

Malaysians, as a nation, need to know that nation building is their responsibility and that they are empowered through national policy formulated and approved in Parliament to do this. The laws of this nation cannot be amended or changed without a regard for its citizens. They also need to know support and resources are offered equitably to all Malaysians from the treasury of Malaysia's wealth. Then all Malaysians will take ownership and be accountable for rise or fall of this nation.

====================================================================

had to give a speech on "if i were president..."

15% marks!

you know i had full attention when i was giving my speech. haha

it was prolly cause they were trying to figure out what i was talking about.

later when i was done. Miss Z asked me how old i was and i said 21.

she replied "i think your speech was a bit too mature for the class" "i understood and liked it though~"

LOL!!

(fyi: most of my class are 18 year olds)

come on~

family...

2008-09-11T04:06:00.000-07:00

i think i'll continue the post wee... waaay later on...(now that's funny when you say it loud)

================================================================

so i went for the weekly meeting of GreenTeam (GT) last Monday. we planned on having the meeting then break fast together.

something of miracle happened that day....(lol)

well i was minding my own business at the computer room in college, suddenly my phone vibrated signaling a received message. it was from azwar. "aight i postponed my plans. so details for today?" or something along that line.

imagine the shock i had!! azwar finally agreeing to accept our invitation??? (if you were me or one of those who have been trying to ask azwar to come to something for a long time you would be shocked as well)

stared at the phone for some 5 mins then...
bloody hell! i haven't credit to reply! (the irony i tell you, usually azwar's the one without credit)

then it so happened that kim called me asking if i were free to go meet a lady we met at FFF. unfortunately i was not..had another class i had to go to before heading to gombak. i asked if she could send azwar the details of the day. kim agreed. and so, i left it at that. i went on to class still in the state of shock the whole time.

then later at about 15 mins to 5 azwar sent me another msg. "so?"

is suppose kim didn't send him the details. well i don't really blame her, it's prolly either she forgot or she thought the better of it. since she is one of those who have been inviting azwar to events but all to no avail. =)

then i called him using the house phone...but he didn't pick up. another try. he answered

"in class"

"oh um no credit"

"call me at 5"

click.tuuut.

yes, i went back home first before heading to gombak had to pick up the gift for azwar.

when i reached setiawangsa station...i bought a top up card.
reloaded.
sent a message to azwar.
azwar called back and asked if he could come closer to iftar time cause he has football practice.
i said, sure.

when i reached KAED and told kim and moon that azwar was coming they were, yup you guessed it, shocked!

"azwar's coming??"
"so how did you persuade him?" kim asked, i said i didn't even pull out the big guns...

wow. sufficient to say that's what we felt.

we waited for zayan, asna, naz and haneesa to come and decided to have our iftar at a restaurant outside of campus which is walking distance from the back gate.

zayan informed azwar of the plan.

we walked to the place (which was reeking of garbage smell. ignored) .

i suggested that we order tomyam and the side dishes instead of individual orders.

moon said "you mean like a family?? yay!"

yup that's what i was going for. we are sort of like a family. a very greeny one at that. haha.

and so we ordered and waited for iftar. crapping about stuffs. picking on naz for the littlest things. he's such an easy target. no offense naz! kitorang ngumpat pasal die kat depan mate pun tak sedar haih naz...i guess he's too in love to notice the world around him what more to care...LOL. perhaps.

...about 5 mins to iftar azwar called kim. since he tried calling me and i didn't answer (which i realised when he called kim. my phone has no sound. result of dropping it one too many times)

asking where we were. what?? zayan told him kn~ haih.

can you believe it he actually ran (most of the way) to the restaurant?? he didn't make it before iftar though. he arrived when we all have finished our meal. we tried hard not to finish the lauk-s. the ikan 3 rase. fuu...zayan was eyeing it. haha

we felt bad after that.

suh dtg byk kali da....bile finally dtg buat ktrang rase besalah ajak him in the first place. =_='

azwar~ azwar~

then on the way back to campus...i gave him the gift. it was a tshirt i bought in CM with kim. kim chipped in on it.

went to pray maghrib in KAED and continued our meeting. since we haven't really discussed any of the agendas...

watched 10 tahun sebelum merdeka

and then we dispersed.

zayan gave me a lift home.

=================================================================

we also made plans to go to penang during the December holidays!

here's to hoping it works out well!!

=================================================================

wee...

2008-09-08T19:14:00.000-07:00

first time i'm writting from somewhere other than my home..

haha...feels like you're a writer. reporting. silly i know~;p

so yea, currently waiting for my next class which is 2 hours from now.

lots happened during the weekend. i volunteered for FFF 08 along with kim, adam, shany and zayan. since i was ushering people into the screening room i got to watch the films shown. and on friday we went a bit ealier so that we could catch a screening without having to worry about tasks.

i'll tell you this, if you were there, now you would have a different perspective on life.

the film are of real life, real people, real events!

i am a people person so it's sufficient to say that i had a great time...

got a free tshirt, stickers, an awesome belt which was made by indigeneous people (kim and i bought the same one except hers is with small beads and mine a tad larger), a bracelet by the same people who made the belt, got to meet intereting people, freaky people (kim and adam would know haha~) and gained experience and contacts.

so in the future i can do more volunteer works. i find peace there with the others volunteering selflessly, putting others first. just imagine..

there are much more severe happenings out there, be it our neighbouring countries or the other end of the world...we are all humans, and the same regardless. if we could just open our eyes a bit wider and we will see that instead of revolving our lives around ourselves why not look ahead at others in need. perhaps by doing that we could achieve greater height and may find in the end what we were looking for all a long...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

that someone called me the other day. he was feeling down i guess, cause that's when he usually finds me; when he's sad, troubled, in trouble, in need of a hand.

"i just felt like calling, i didn't think of what to say." that's what he said after a hour has past.

he said he saw this episode in House, and a scene in it reminded him of us.

he felt guilty. wanting to see how i was living.

i told him i was fine. i'm taking each day as it comes.

he said "somehow that doesn't convince me"

i was silent. though i felt like screaming at him. "how could i be fine? how could i be content after that? how can i have the feeling of being alive? why?? why are you doing this to me? bringing this up now? after all this time i've spent picking up the pieces, you are back to scatter them again."

he asked me again and again "is there anything you'd like to say?" he said

gotta go. will continue later~

.question.

2008-09-02T07:25:00.000-07:00

someone asked me today...

"what is the difference between a person who does only religious rites but acts like a complete fool when in society and a person who is extremely kind and generous but does not perform the obligatory religious rites?"

the person with the question is a non Muslim.

my answer to him,

"i may not be of position to answer this question but i will try. but know that what i say is merely my opinion and of what i have learned, i may be wrong. do not take my word as the complete truth. Well, I'll be talking in the Muslim context if you don't mind. the person who is kind and generous to other people is completely wasting his/her time, well maybe not completely but if he/she can do good to people why not just perform the obligatory rites? with it combined together you'll get a better chance to go to heaven no? cause helping people comes after the five daily prayers, if the pillars (because prayers are considered the pillars of Islam) of the religion is not there then how can you presume that your good deeds will be enough to uphold Islam? and the person who does the rites but is a complete opposite of character when he/she is not doing religious acts, well this person is also sort of wasting his/her time, when he/she can be decent enough to perform the obligatory rites then why is he/she not acting as the Quran calls to? if this said person is really doing the rites full-heartedly, reads the Quran, he/she will not be doing the complete opposite of what the religion commands am i not right? in Islam i believe that we are called to be balance in our lives. in the this world and the world after. It isn't as simple as conducting ONLY good deeds and ONLY praying and it isn't complicated as well. I can bring you stories of long past matyrs if you want. you may find more answers in them."

can i have your opinions please? on the matter of the question and also the answer i gave.

================================================================

i just saw this amazing converrt story on youtube yesterday(moon recommended them to me. thank you~~!), and there was this one thing that the guy mentioned. it's about the brother at the mosque that he went to, to get info on Islam. the guy asked questions and the brother, instead of giving answer from his own thoughts and opinion he gave answers by referring to the Quran. this surah & verse, and that surah & verse.

truly i agree with the brother. and today when i finished my answer to the question above. it striked me that i was giving my opinion on the matter. i felt guilty, all over.. like i had just projected a different image of Islam.

please correct if i am wrong...

these are the youtube links

part one

part two

kepade szakif

2008-09-02T07:05:00.000-07:00

yg pakai baju biru tu (tgh tarik seluar hammam). haih tak jumpe gambar muka die la.

nnt sy g gmbk sy amik gambar muka die eh

fragments of a soul drifting in the sky of my mind

2008-09-01T06:33:00.000-07:00

then i would have no heart,
no words,
i would be still,
and still...i wish.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

once i remember,
you talked of wide
endless fields.

once i saw,
you did things that
made me grin inside.

once i felt,
thunderstorms on my skin
lighting dances within.

once i heard,
songs of promises
honey tasted like dull sweets.

once i spoke,
of a future i was certain
i could have.

and once i played,
the wise and foolish game
not knowing better.

once i wished
once i was
but now i am

and finally,
you fled.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

another look from you takes another piece of me.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

my soul window
bleeds black tears
and they say you reap
what you sow.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

you left me there alone
watching drops of rain turn
the pavement a darker colour.

blood-dark swift clouds
slowly seeping across the vast sky
and to my heart they settled.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

from afar it looks solid
come closer and you'll see
the hallowed circles etched
don't push me, see,
i am human still.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

like a lamppost
waiting for the stars
so it can shine on tears
and scars.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

oh pieces of cracked pots lying around in my notebook.

wishes from the whiteseeker to the world

2008-08-31T06:40:00.000-07:00

Ramadhan is so beautiful, A time when we are free from the shaytaan.
May peace and blessings of Allah be upon His Beloved Prophet Muhammad
and May he be pleased with his family, and his companions.
May Allah grant us acceptance of our sowm in the coming month of Ramadhan.
May Allah grant us steadfastness in the blessed month of Ramadan.
May Allah place mercy, forgiveness, and love in our hearts.
May Allah shower us with his Forgiveness, and Mercy.
All Praise belongs to Allah, to Whom belongs The Kingdom of heaven and
earth.
Ya Allah to Thee we return and Thee alone.
Ya Allah to Thee we belong and Thee alone.
Ya Allah bless us to be amongst those whom are granted Jannatul Firdausa.
Ya Allah, Ya Allah. La illaha ill Allah.
Ameeen, Ya Rabill Ala Ameen.

*May Allah Accept your Fast (Ameen)
*May Allah Accept your Salaat (Ameen)
*May Allah Accept your Dua's (Ameen)
*May Allah Accept your deeds (Ameen)
*May Allah make your Dreams come true (Ameen)
*May Allah forgive you for the things you do wrong (Ameen)

bull's eye!

2008-08-31T04:16:00.001-07:00

Persevere, have faith in His benevolence.
Through afflictions God only tests your faith;
He is completely aware of your condition.
Have patience and wait for the divine decree.
Do not become like the foolish laborer
who is removed from the king's palace
for demanding his wages ahead of time.

-Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jillani, "Fayuz E Yazdani"

sort of fits the occasion no?
here i am thinking of, thinking of giving up.
and this pops up...how perfect is that?!

be patient and wait? how hard can that be?
i've only been doing that for 21 years

what's another decade or so? ^_^v

would you accept? can we?

2008-08-31T04:07:00.000-07:00

God now said to Muhammad: 'I gave my past messengers many wise words to convey to the people; and these words were written down to guide future generations. Each of these messengers knew that I would send a further messenger to confirm the message I had given them. Do you accept this? Will you take up this burden?'

Muhammad answered: 'I accept.'

-Ibn Ishaq, "The Life of Muhammad"

also, check out this entry

don't you wish you could be in that usrah? such times would benefit us in many ways. also it can serve as a reminder of the beauty of Islam~

pieces that stood out...

2008-08-31T04:04:00.000-07:00

Do not reveal to friends all the secrets you possess; they may one day become enemies. Do not inflict on enemies every injury in your power; they may one day become friends.

-Sadi, "Gulistan"

============================================================

Once Luqman was asked how he had attained such merit. He replied, "By adhering to virtue, by fulfilling all pledges, and by giving up futile apprehensions."

-The Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reported by Malek bin Hawari

============================================================

The intelligent person sees with the heart
the result from the beginning;
the one lacking in knowledge
only discovers it at the end.

-Mathnawi [V, 2570]

============================================================

-strive to be that person-

.duck.love.

2008-08-30T03:36:00.000-07:00

asna, this is for you

2008-08-30T03:26:00.000-07:00

words can not describe how i truly miss studying architecture~ T~T

keep looking up~

2008-08-30T02:42:00.000-07:00

the title= azwar said that to me when i finally told him the story of my horrible week and how i am tired of all this...just tired. i need a break from this excruciating soul torment...

-excuse the tone of overly describing feelings/things-

so yea, had a terrible (to the power of ten) week, had worst though. let that be.

talk about this week first.

i kinda got my hopes up too high, when appealing for the second time for re-ad to IIU. this time around i told Bro Hisham about it. well shafiq did after we met in the lrt. then Bro Hisham called me and asked to see him.

and so i went. told him the whole story. he asked to do a list of what happened and when. i did. handed it in. he read it. told me he'd get an appointment with the dean. he did. we went, Bro came with me. i explained my situation. he listened. then he called the sciences dept.

at that time in my head, "here we go again"

however i heard that sciences has got a new deputy dean, i was glad to hear that. perhaps this deputy dean will understand where i stand.

to my dismay, he was not in. another Bro came in his place.

surprise surprise~ the same Bro when i first appealed came.

that's when all my high high hopes came crashing down....to dust.

and as i expected, no surprise there. on Wednesday i got the letter from sciences. my appeal has been rejected. again.

that's one thing about the said blood-sucking darkness of this week.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

started my new semester over at KDU (kolej duit utama-as they so cleverly calls it)

classes everyday! starts at 8 ends at 3/4. means i have to get up at 6 to make the 2 hour journey there. *#^$#*#@ bus system.

i was late for about 3 out of 5 morning classes this week. not late 5@10 mins. get this 45 mins late.

oh yea and on monday, i reached class at 8.45 (by the way, thank you for not informing of the change of venue). sat down for 3 mins.

-class over-

*$&#^#*%(&*%(@&$(

supposedly the class was until 10. but sir had something to do so he ended it earlier.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

had a fight with aiman. (you don't want to know)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the usual home problems. (neither will you want to know this) (plus it's a loooooooooo (insert more 'o's here) ng story

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

back aches

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

headaches

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

found out i have astigmatism in my left eye

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

lack of appetite

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

three boring lecturers (seriously, they were once students too right?)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

oh enough of reminiscing the week. doing this gets my blood pressure rising too fast too furiously.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

thank you azwar, as you put it you may not have been present all the time, but i appreciate it when you are.

hmm...

2008-08-15T05:38:00.000-07:00

i just realised

that i

have posted

two entries

with the

word

'life'

in its title

in the

same week

*wonders*

life and mine

2008-08-15T05:19:00.000-07:00

life can be defined in so many ways.
as is the way people go through it.
as is the facets of it.
as is the trials and tribulations of it.
as is the people it is given to.
as is everything.
even death.

so why is it that some refuse to look at things from a different angle?
why is it difficult for some to accept that perhaps there's another way to look at it?

in typing in this entry, i am reminding you and i of the fact that somethings need to be approached differently for it to make sense or to be solved to the extend that which it satisfies all the parties that will be affected.

currently frustrated with IIU. why is it hard for them to admit that they could be wrong?

and i have to take the blame for it?

it is easy for 'him' to say that "maybe this is meant to happen, you will have to accept this and go on"

but it isn't entirely my fault!!!!

i have no proof to show, that is why they are all being unpleasant to me except for one nice man who believes me and wants to help me settle this.

because truthfully, i cannot bear the huge weight of guilt of draining my mum's hard earned money to pay for my tuition fees anymore than ever...

i need this. i need to get back into IIU. for my and my mum's sake.

wallahualam~

i pray only to You for guidance and patience in adversity.

help me~ -_-"

be satisfied in joy

2008-08-12T03:26:00.000-07:00

Do not think of God as isolated from his creation. Do not think of God as bound by rules. Do not compare God with any other entity. Beware of thinking of God as remote.

You are not God; and you are God. You see him in the essences of all things; yet he is boundless.

-Ibn Arabi, "Fusus al-hikam"

Seek what you wish from God, not from men.
Be satisfied in joy; there is honor therein.
On friends and relatives be not a burden.
Rich is he who hopes from God, not from men.

-Al-Ghazzali, "Ihya Ulum Id-Din"

a trip to life

2008-08-12T03:20:00.000-07:00

the side effects are starting to kick in now. agitation. on going headaches. fatigue. lack

of appetite. the urge to vomit everything i eat. stuffs like that.

it is uncomfortable but i am used to it. you must remember that this isn't my first time.

people around me say, it's all in the mind. you just have to think it off. how do i use this

power of the mind when my spirit is running on empty? i often wonder how i am getting on.

what makes me wake in the morning. how i could still have the energy to pretend that i am

fine.

perhaps i still have the will to live. perhaps even if i think that i am hopeless and may

have lost my faith, there's still hope and faith in me without me realising it's there.

i wonder what is in store for me when i do get pass this phase. perhaps i am living based on

that curiosity, that curiosity of what the future holds. i believe so. it fits.

there is this thought, when one doesn't have a family, one creates it with people around.

how do you do that when people around won't let you in?

'everybody belongs somewhere', maybe some are just lost. i have a feeling that i belong in

that group. constantly finding my way, finding that place where i belong. sometimes i think

i have found that place, i was there all along. that place where lost people are. it a

place, it's somewhere and i belong there.

i will and i am going on. i will never give up, i may give in and i may stop for sometime

but i won't give up till i've reach the future and find out what it holds for me. i owe that

to myself.

to succeed and strive in this journey we call life.

and our journey never ends. one journey that ends starts a new one. we are travellers.

our guide is the MAN UPSTAIRS.

i'll be fine. i am always fine.

give me something to hold on to

2008-08-12T03:19:00.000-07:00

stories of fairies i still believe
of little people and politeness
the life that leads to happiness for all times
it still exists in my mind
i guess growing up isn't as hard as i thought
i still have my imagination that kid inside
stumbling across the straight path
finding new ways to walk
i can't seem to stop
the wind comes as it pleases
sweeping me up everytime i look down
there will be tomorrow when today's brown
there is faith when hope is gone
the sanguine youth
the sadness of betrayal will last
the sweetness of laughter everyday is forever

give me colours so i can paint

give me love so i can live

give me you so i'll have us

humor me

2008-08-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

from Beliefnet

One of the requirements of every commencement speaker is that they offer some advice. Well, get ready, here it comes.

Soon you will be leaving the company of those who think they have all the answers—your professors, instructors and counselors—and going out into what we like to call the real world. In time you will meet up with other people who think they have all the answers. These people are called bosses. My advice is: humor them.

A little later you will meet additional people who think they have all the answers. These are called spouses. My advice is: humor them, too.

And if all goes well, in a few years you will meet still another group of people who think they have all the answers. These are called children. Humor them.

Life will go on, your children will grow up, go to school, and someday they could be taking part in a commencement ceremony just like this one. And who knows, the speaker responsible for handing out good advice might be you. Halfway through your speech, the graduate sitting next to your daughter will lean over and ask, “Who is that woman up there who thinks she has all the answers?” Well, thanks to the sound advice you are hearing today and that I hope you will all pass on, she will be able to say, “That is my mother. Humor her.”

so go on, humor me, yourself and others..^_^v

a little gift from little me~

2008-07-21T05:21:00.000-07:00

well, recently i realised that i've been making quite an mount of birthday cards....

just thought of posting it...

hee hee hee~

there you go...

sape nak tempah???

hahaha...

bole buat business kan?

tp saye ni tak reti nak mntk duit kat orang la..

susah la kalau cmtu kn?

ade sorang penah ckp kat saye...kalau dr dulu lg
(maksudnye 10thn dulu...sbb da 10thn saye mengunakn prog2 adobe)
saye charge...mesti saye da kaya gile aa...

hmm...tah la...

saye rase lebih senang kalau saye sekadar tolong orang...

kalau orang tu ikhlas nak bayar...saye amik kot?
hehee...
mungkin mule mule susah saye nak amik
tp kalau pujuk skit...amik kot~

hmm...tgh nak cari duit la..nak beli handphone baru~
handphone ni da mule gile macam tuan die...

how to be immortal

2008-07-14T23:54:00.000-07:00

A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him, and in that way he becomes immortal.

a friend indeed...

2008-07-13T08:58:00.000-07:00

ujian, datang dan pergi...
sejauh mana ia dinilai, bergantung kepada IMAN di hati...
tanpa disedari, ia membina HIKMAH dalam diri...
perlu diSYUKURi, bukan dibenci...

03/25/2008 2:01 pm

Sesungguhnya, teman bukan seperti papan skate, digilap sebelum main tetapi dipijak apabila bermain...
bukan juga seperti bola sepak, dikejar sebelum dapat tetapi ditendang apabila dapat...

tidak juga seperti bulu tangkis, dipegang sebelum main tetapi dipukul apabila bermain...

Sedarlah, teman ibarat bola ragbi, direbut sebelum dapat dan diberi perlindungan setelah dimiliki.......

02/29/2008 3:06 pm

hari demi hari terus berlalu. masa terus berinjak. baki usia kian mendikit. tanpa sedar, hari yang dilalui semakin singkat. masa semakin pantas. dan sedang tinta melakari warkah, hari penamat smakin menghampir.

bagaimana hendak dikejutkan diri dari lena sedang nyenyak membelai? bagaimana harus dilontar lalai sedang selesa mendakap?

jawapannya bersemadi di dalam dada... sama ada mahu atau tidak, hati insan tetap mengakui sebuah kebenaran...

06/27/2007 10:42 pm

kadang kadang kita menjadi keliru dan celaru mengapa ditakdirkan pertemuan dan perpisahan.....haruman bahagia mewangi tatkala pertemuan pertama...dan lara membungkam rasa takala perpisahan bertamu di ruang pertemuan....mungkin tanpa disedari kita sebenarnya dianugerahkan satu sifat kasih sayang....yang dititipkan buat insan atas sifat Ar Rahmannya.....membuat jiwa bisa gembira diulit bahagia dan derita dibelai sengsara....dan inilah juga bukti rahmatNya yang maha luas......

UKHWAH.....kita disatukan kerananya...tetapi sandarkanlah setiap yang berlaku kepadaNya kerana kerana Dia menduga kerana kasihNya....semakin diuji,semakin hampir kita denganNya.....dan apabila kita semakin denganNya,terasa kemanisan iman bertakung di dada....

Ya Allah,janganlah Engkau tarik kembali nikmatMu ini....kami bersatu keranaMu di bawah lembayung UKHWAH yang Kau kurniakan.....

....... Inilah secebis luahan hamba buan teman teman yang bertakhta ruang di minda........

08/28/2007 10:17 am

messages from a friend, taufiq.

i often open the folder where these are stored and click on the files as often (no kidding..haha)
it's comforting somehow

i truly speak through words and i am affected most through words

aim at heaven....

2008-07-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

Aim at Heaven and you will get Earth thrown in. Aim at Earth and you get neither.

-C.S. Lewis

three days of muslim wisdom

2008-07-11T01:14:00.000-07:00

Hardship may dishearten at first,
but every hardship passes away.
All despair is followed by hope;
all darkness is followed by sunshine.

-Rumi, "Mathnawi"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Wherever the delusion of your selfhood appears — there's hell.
Wherever "you" aren't – that's heaven.

-Abu Sa'id in Ibn Munawwar, "Asrar at-tawhid"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Read the Qur'an as long as you are attentive,
but when you feel your attention slip, put the Book away.

-The Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reported by Jundub bin Adb'Allah

telling a lie

2008-07-11T00:47:00.000-07:00

it's like someone telling you,

"go on, throw out the line, it will catch on a fish"

and you hesitate at first but that someone convinces you to do it.
that someone gave you the something to look forward to. hope. faith. belief.

and you throw out the line.

for what???

to find out it catches on to nothing that seemed and felt like something in the beginning.

how would you feel?

je préfère ne rien dire.

begrime

2008-07-11T00:36:00.000-07:00

i've been telling everyone (who knows about it and who will listen) the story...to a point that apart of me longs for their sympathy...i do not know. it's just that there's nothing left for me to do other than tell people of the story. as if telling lets me relive the times..and be in that moment for a while. where after i'll find myself crying silently to oblivion...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sometimes my crying goes unnoticed even by me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i know crying does nothing other than dehydrates my body. lol. but crying is the only thing i could do.

well,

there's another thing i could do

MOVE ON.

i am moving on with my life (oh don't get me started on my life's story...there's just too much sorrow)

but i can't let go
how do you let go?
how do you let go of the things that make you happy?
how do you let go of the thing, the person that means more to you than air? (it's just a metaphor)

how do you?

you don't.

Pisang dan Hati

2008-07-09T04:13:00.000-07:00

Maryam, guru kelas Tadika menganjurkan satu permainan yang sungguh menarik untuk murid-muridnya. Setiap murid diminta membawa beg plastik yang berisi pisang yang tertulis nama orang yang paling mereka benci ke kelas pada esok hari. Jadi, jumlah pisang yang perlu dibawa bergantung kepada jumlah orang yang dibenci.

Keesokan harinya, setiap murid membawa beg plastic berisi pisang masing-masing. Ada yang membawa tiga biji, ada juga lima biji dan paling banyak lapan biji. Semuanya sudah ditulis nama orang yang paling mereka benci.

“Sekarang simpan pisang tu. Jangan lupa bawa ke mana sahaja kamu pergi selama seminggu. Inilah permainannya. Selepas seminggu, kita akan tahu keputusannya” beritahu Cikgu Maryam.

Kanak-kanak tersebut menyimpan pisang masing-masing di dalam beg. Hari demi hari berlalu, pisang tersebut mula berbintik-bintik dan akhirnya menjadi busuk . Kanak-kanak itu mula merungutdan marah. Mereka tidak menyukai permainan itu lagi kerana selain beg berat, badan berbau busuk. Ada yang menangis, enggan meneruskan permainan.

Seminggu berlalu, pagi-pagi lagi murid-murid Maryam sudah bersorak. Permainan sudah tamat. Tidak ada lagi beban dan bau busuk yang perlu dibawa.

“Okey semua, apa rasanya bawa pisang dalam beg ke sana ke mari selama seminggu?” tanya Cikgu Mayam.

Semuanya serentak mengatakan mereka benci permainan itu. Mereka hilang kawan, sering diejek dan terpinggir. Lebih teruk lagi, terpaksa tidur, makan, mandi, bermain dan menonton TV dengan bau busuk.

“Itulah sebenarnya yang berlaku kalau kita simpan perasaan benci pada orang lain dalam hati. Bau busuk kebencian itu akan mencemari hati dan kita akan membawanya ke mana saja kita pergi. Jika kamu sendiri tidak boleh tahan dengan bau pisang busuk hanya untuk seminggu, cuba bayangkan apa akan jadi kalau kamu simpan kebencian sepanjang hidup kamu” beritahu Cikgu Maryam.

Maryam mengingatkan anak muridnya supaya membuang jauh-jauh perasaan benci daripada membebani hidup. Kemaafan adalah yang terbaik. Menyayangi lebih baik darpada membenci…!

from Tentang Cinta

The Pleasure of Doing Nothing Useful

2008-07-04T22:48:00.000-07:00

i'd like to share this article with YOU.

my time of doing nothing? that time after prayers when i just sit there on my sajada. just sitting there. nothing else. sitting there and i let my mind wonder.....

By Roger Housden
You might think there could be nothing more simple than doing nothing for no reason; doing something merely for the pleasure of it, without any thought of future profit or gain, without adding any skill or knowledge to your store, without any usefulness at all. Yet even doing nothing has now become something to do. Relaxation, the quintessential doing nothing, is something you have to "practice," and seriously, in a class for which the time slot is logged in your diary. A party is an occasion to "work the room." A weekend at the shore is an opportunity to get to know those well-connected neighbors.

A friend of mine, a magazine editor, told me recently how difficult she found it to leave her job behind. We were sitting in a restaurant in downtown Manhattan, and she was aware that she was constantly noticing the clientele, the décor, seeing if there was any angle that might work for a piece in her magazine. She longed to be able to sit down at a table without her work, to have a conversation with a friend that promised no more than the pleasure of their company. Yet her mind wouldn't let her agenda go. We each in our own ways have an agenda. We are all lobbyists for our own cause, our own opinions, aspirations, status, or career. While there's nothing wrong with getting ahead, whatever that may mean, it can also be an enormous relief now and then to lay down our own cause and enjoy wherever we find ourselves on its own terms.

You might think that all you need do to have no agenda and do nothing in particular is to allow yourself to sit down one morning in a spontaneous sort of way in the local café without looking at your watch. And, perhaps, to ask for a china cup.

It's true that the cup matters. It not only affects the coffee, it confers stability on your person. It means you are here to stay, at least in the short term. It means you are likely to be around for as much as the next half hour; that you are willing to be part of the quiet bustle and spectacle of the café terrasse. On a terrasse you are an observer and a participant at the same time, and you don't have to do anything for the privilege except to sit there. A café offers one of life's rare opportunities to happily do nothing in the company of others who are also doing nothing more useful than sipping coffee. American civic life could derive only benefit from switching to china, though I don't expect it to happen anytime soon.

Café life, without question, is one of the more enjoyable benefits of civilization. You can sit at your table for half an hour or more and watch the world go by, all for the price of a cup of coffee-or tea, if that is your preference. I know there's an irony in speaking of coffee and doing nothing in the same sentence; but the café isn't really about the coffee or tea at all. It's about the sitting there, hearing snatches of conversation, having your own thoughts, being aware of the other customers around you, watching the passerby, eavesdropping on the waiter's repartee.

Yet we are so good at being busy, we can even turn a cup of coffee into something to do. You may seem to be sitting there innocently sipping, but all the time you may be preoccupied with waiting: not just being there, but waiting for a certain amount of time to pass; waiting for your date, or for the train. Or you're busy sizing up the opposite sex. That may not seem far from doing nothing, but even so, it's not quite the same.

When you sit there and do nothing in particular at all-no waiting, no Palm Pilot, no cell phone, no agenda, nothing that will get you anywhere anytime soon-then a space can open up in your mind. Thoughts can float by without the habitual impulse to jump on their back and ride them for all they are worth. It may even happen that the taste of coffee gives way to the taste of yourself-the delicious relief of being-in-yourself.

yay i was in the final 6!!!

2008-07-03T07:12:00.000-07:00

i participated in a competition.

didn't win though.

but i was one of the 6 finalists. yay me!

check it out at Hip Hop Lit

that was the day

2008-07-03T07:08:00.000-07:00

crying as if in opposition to the rain pattering outside on the pavement,
staring blindly at her plate still full untouched,
mind away from this place,
could this really be happening?
just a year ago...the same place, same person, not the other,
same date not year....but the same.....and somehow different and sad
"believe it!" says to herself "just accept it......."
"i can't, i won't" says the other her....

patience is the foundation

2008-06-25T07:01:00.000-07:00

Do not lose hope in Allah, for He is the Creator. He will create another way for you. Do not flee from your trials; patience in adversity is the foundation of all virtue, of compassion and sainthood. Patience is the foundation, and without a sound foundation you cannot build a monument.

-Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jillani, "Fayuz E Yazdani"

i believe my belief

2008-06-25T05:49:00.000-07:00

it just so happens that two of my friends are planning their anniversary with their other half at the same time. one of them couples is no longer a couple but the girl insists on preparing gifts for the boy. which i think i a sweet gesture and it shows that she treasures their relationship. her package consists of a CD which has a video presentation (collage of photos of them, words etc.), a couples t-shirt (which i designed...(my first!)) and ouh god i can't remember...never mind.

the other couple is happily together, may that last. i do not know if she has a package...but i do know that she wants to make a video presentation too (cause she asked me to help make it). still in the process of making it...

my point for this post is not to inform you of that. my point would be the whole picture in which the anniversary is a small part. the big picture i'm talking about is this 'couples' thing.

do not take my view so seriously, for it is merely my humble view.

i do not understand of the whole hype of 'coupling'. if you ask me...i'd say i belief in love after marriage. i truly do. and i belief that there is only one person that you truly and wholly love with all your heart and you want to spend your life with that said person. call me old fashion i do not mind. i believe what i believe.

one thing that i did not know about me until recently is, i have the capability to love someone. don't be surprised. given the events in my life, you really can't blame me for not believing in love. for not believing that it exists.

that is until i was trapped in it. i have gotten myself tangled in it.

i didn't know when it happened, why it happened? why to me? i was dumbfounded.

honestly i have no experience what so ever in this field. this love thing.

the occasional crush, of course. i have many. but believe me, that is as far as it goes.

a mere crush.

then it hit me...this love thing. it hit me right in the face. pulled the carpet under me...and i slipped right into it.

i am not strong.

lemme tell you that.

just as out-of-the-blue as it hit me, it left me.

just like that. like chipsmore..^_^v

kejap ade kejap tade.

and nothing in between. nothing like the stories i hear, nothing like the scenes i witness, nothing like what it's hyped up to be.

just nothing. there's a beginning and an ending but not the middle part. the middle part is missing.

do i long for it? i won't lie. yes i do. i am human after all. but am i sad that i didn't have that? partly. figure that out yourself.

tell me then, do i consider that as an experience in this 'couples' thing?

if you ask me...

me : no.

i do not want that.

what i want is a marriage. a marriage that is parallel with my belief.

my mother

2008-06-20T08:14:00.000-07:00

God hears the words of the woman who complains to Muhammad about the cruelty of her husband; God hears her words when she complains directly to him. God listens to everything that is said; he hears all and observes all.

-Qur'an, Al-Mujadilah, Surah 58:1

mama,
hang in there.
Allah hears you everyday,
every second that you pray.

mama,
i know you will find peace,
beyond,
i pray that you'll find bliss.

mama,
if i don't say enough now,
know that i always thank
you, for all that i have now.

mama,
Allah hears you.
hang in there
keep talking to Him.
He hears you even if i don't.

true bliss

2008-06-19T08:09:00.000-07:00

Those admitted to Paradise shall experience true bliss. Never shall they know want, nor will they suffer old age.

-The Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reported by Abu Hurairah

Aim for the moon, even if you miss you'll land amongst the stars

2008-06-18T23:28:00.000-07:00

what i've been up to?

hee hee...yesterday i baked chocolate chip cookies. those big chewy ones!!

here the recipe if you wanna try...

INGREDIENTS

* 2 cups all-purpose flour
* 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 3/4 cup unsalted butter, melted
* 1 cup packed brown sugar
* 1/2 cup white sugar
* 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
* 1 egg
* 1 egg yolk
* 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets or line with parchment paper.
2. Sift together the flour, baking soda and salt; set aside.
3. In a medium bowl, cream together the melted butter, brown sugar and white sugar until well blended. Beat in the vanilla, egg, and egg yolk until light and creamy. Mix in the sifted ingredients until just blended. Stir in the chocolate chips by hand using a wooden spoon. Drop cookie dough 1/4 cup at a time onto the prepared cookie sheets. Cookies should be about 3 inches apart.
4. Bake for 15 to 17 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the edges are lightly toasted. Cool on baking sheets for a few minutes before transferring to wire racks to cool completely.

sape nak???

our actions

2008-06-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

When we allow God’s power to pervade all our actions, and submit to his decrees, we shed all anxiety about the effects of our actions on others; we cease even to consider the effects of our actions. When we cease to consider the effects of our actions, we are adopting the attributes of God himself.

-Qushayri, "Risalah"

believe it or not our actions affect others. some people don't really consider that. me? well i consider other people's thoughts/feelings first, then mine. however that may not be all the time, most probably most of the time ^_^v

come willingly

2008-06-18T03:47:00.000-07:00

Come against your will is the toggle of the intelligent;
come willingly is the spring-time
of those who have lost their hearts.

-Mathnawi [III, 4472]

destiny

2008-06-16T08:42:00.001-07:00

Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.

-William Jennings Bryan

appreciate each other as they are

2008-06-15T09:24:00.000-07:00

A group of men came to Rabi'a in order to test her. They said: 'Virtues and special gifts have been bestowed on men, not women. The crown of nobility has been placed on the heads of men, and the belt of generosity has been tied around their waists. The gift of prophesy has never descended on any woman. What can you boast of?' Rabi'a replied: 'I shall not dispute what you say. Yet women are less prone to pride, egoism and self-worship; they are less liable to think highly of themselves. And they do not so readily exploit others for their own pleasure.'

-Attar, "Rabi'a" From "366 Readings From Islam," translated by Robert Van der Weyer.

i have always been proving myself to be equal as to men. not exactly equal. it's just that men are always undermining women as the lesser of the sex. which is completely and truly uncalled for! i am not saying that women are the greater sex, i am merely stating that we are special in our own ways. we were made the way we are for a reason. personally i am not trying to be better than the opposite sex. i just want them to think of women as capable as they can be. perhaps we may not be capable of lifting heavy weights (i know they have women categories..duh. just as an example. not a very true example. what the hell?! just for the sake of an example) but we may be better at somethings that men will never be. we are not here to be stepped on or slaved. we are here to help men. vice versa.

what do you desire most?

2008-06-15T02:02:00.000-07:00

A man was lying sick. His friends asked him: "What would you most desire?"
The sick man answered, "My greatest desire is to desire something."

-Sadi: Gulistan 3
From "366 Readings From Islam," translated by Robert Van der Weyer.

i am here and not done

2008-06-11T11:03:00.000-07:00

that laughter i am fond of
turned out to be mocking voices now

that glint in those eyes
turned out to be mischievous deeds now

that sincere heart
turned out to be a crushing claw now

that love you showed me
turned out to be lies now

i am here and not done
and yet i wonder how could you now

~shaqyl

within tears.

2008-06-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

Within tears, find a hidden laughter;
seek treasure amid ruins, sincere one.

-Mathnawi [VI, 1586]

i have come to realise that there's is really good in everything that happens, even the bad happenings. perhaps this is because i myself have been through what i can surely say the worst time of my life. everything just happened to happen at the same time. the unfortunate twist in my study life, the fall of my family, the rekindled friendship with my love(it really is a bad thing cause it kills me). it was surprising the way i handled it. i was crushing to pieces inside, though i never showed it to anyone. no one knows the true extent of the damage. but i was able to get use to it without much trouble. it was as if they(the problems) were always there. like this blind was lifted to reveal the sorrows within. that twist in my study, i knew my past mistakes will come and haunt me. i just didn't know that it would cause a disaster this big. the fall of my family? well, my family was never whole, it is physically. emotionally and spiritually, never. the matter of whole or not does not really matter. i know that however much we bicker, they will always be there for me(except for my father). don't get me started on him. i do not love nor do i hate him. it is the worst a family member could ask for, i feel nothing towards him. that is the truth. i used to look up to him. we used to, my brother and i. now, that is the past that will never be the present. the rekindled friendship? i truly am having a difficult time accepting the fact that i am just a friend. that is all i can say about that.

remedy for me

2008-06-08T04:03:00.000-07:00

This world is full of remedies. But you have no remedy until God opens a window for you. You may not be aware of that remedy just now. In the hour of need it will be made clear to you. The Prophet said God made a remedy for every pain.

-Rumi, "Mathnawi"

waiting...

still waiting...

um, yea waiting....

oh maybe it is not yet my hour of need...

^_^v

regrets for the past

2008-06-08T03:33:00.000-07:00

If misfortune befalls you, it is the consequence of your own actions. Yet God forgives much. On this earth you can not escape God; and there is no one apart from God who can protect or help you.

-Qur'an, Ash-Shura, Surah 42:30-31

now this verse from the Quran, really hits the spot. i am sure that it is my own actions that has brought me to this road i am walking on. am i disappointed? that you can bet on. i however do not regret it. the actions that i decided on taking is my choice at that time and it was my decision to make. perhaps at that time i was not able to see the big picture, the consequences that will be brought on to me when i make that decision. who am i kidding? i do regret it at times when i reflect on the past.

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.” -Jim Rohn

but i believe that...

“Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.”Jonathan Larson

and i have hope, because...

“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?”

because if i have the capability to make actions that bring bad consequences, then i must have the capability to make actions that lead to joy in my own heart. remember that things come in pairs?

therefore support me when i am in pain and i will be happy with you when i am joyed.

silence

2008-06-08T03:30:00.000-07:00

Speech is a great blessing conferred on man by God, thereby distinguishing him from all other creatures. But speech like wine intoxicates the mind. Thus the Prophet said: "He who keeps silent shall be saved." For in silence are concealed many spiritual blessings and in speech many evils.

-Al-Hujwiri, "The Kashf al-Mahjub"

reclaiming the word JIHAD

2008-06-08T03:28:00.000-07:00

It was God who created you; yet some of you refuse to believe, while others have faith. He is aware of all your actions. He created the heavens and the earth to manifest the truth. He fashioned each one of you--and each one of you is beautiful. To God you will all return. He knows all that the heavens and the earth contain. He knows all that you hide and all that you reveal. He knows your deepest thoughts.

-Qur'an, At-Taghabun, Surah 64:2-4

contentment

2008-06-08T03:10:00.000-07:00

you tell me, is it not hard to be content? there is always that human nature of wanting more than what we have. i am not saying that it is wrong with having that. i am asking of an answer on how is it contentment when one always has that urge to want more. i guess, it depends on what that something more is. if it is something that isn't overindulging perhaps it is alright to want it? i do not know for sure. i think it is alright in my humble opinion.

i am content with what i have now. do i want more shoes? yeah. do i want more clothes? definitely. however much i want all those, i am not going to waste my money on them if i can find other necessities which is far more important. but i guess it is okay to have the sense of wanting. we are exposed of the western culture. we can but not help ourselves with falling in the trap that is westernization. see i'm spelling 'westernization' the US way. let me correct it. westernisation. that's it, i am more comfortable with using the British spelling. mind you.

i'll leave you with this short quote:

Once a person said to a dervish, "All I ask for is a small dwelling in Paradise."

The dervish replied, "If you displayed the same contentment with what you already have in this world, you would have found ultimate bliss."

-Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jillani, "Fayuz E Yazdani"

add..

2008-01-30T18:54:00.000-08:00

If you are going through hell...keep going.

-Winston Churchill

i will...

begging for love...

2008-01-30T18:46:00.000-08:00

i thought of this title a few days ago...

i have all the point i want to elaborate..

however i am not a liberty to submit an entry any time soon...

will post it up once i have the chance..

*currently living away from home and my beloved computer and laptop* *sigh*

*-*'

to you, with love

2007-12-02T07:55:00.000-08:00

I wish I was deaf so I couldn’t hear the screaming
Why don’t you kill me so I can stop the dreaming.
I wish I was blind so I couldn’t see them together
Why don’t you kill me so I can lay here forever.

You're killing me slowly every passing day
Pushing the dagger deeper with every word you say.
Did I stab myself or did you drive the dagger in?
Now I can see there is no way I can possibly win.

I reached for your rose but quickly pulled my hand back
My hand is cut from the thorns of your rose which is black.
You freeze everyone you touch with your ice heart
Then you walk past and break them apart.

I wish I was deaf so I couldn’t hear the screaming
Why don’t you kill me so I can stop the dreaming.
I wish I was blind so I couldn’t see them together
Why don’t you kill me so I can lay here forever

shaqyl

stories

2007-12-02T07:52:00.000-08:00

Stories of fairies I still believe 
 Of little people and politeness 
 The life that leads to happiness for all times 
 It still exists in my mind 
 I guess growing up isn't as hard as I thought 
 I still have my imagination that kid inside 
 Stumbling across the straight path 
 Finding new ways to walk 
 I can't seem to stop 
 The wind comes as it pleases 
 Sweeping me up every time I look down 
 There will be tomorrow when today's brown 
 There is faith when hope is gone 
 The sanguine youth  
 The sadness of betrayal will last 
 The sweetness of laughter everyday is forever 
  
 Give me colours so I can paint 
  
 Give me love so I can live 
  
 Give me you so I’ll have us

shaqyl

if i were written

2007-12-02T07:45:00.000-08:00

If I were written,
how would I taste?

I could be a dictionary
- bland -
yet a necessity.
It’s possible I could have
the flavour of receipts,
spit me out,
get your money back –
it won’t affect your
statutory rights.

Perhaps I’d be
a top-shelf magazine –
an addictive tang kept as a treat.
Maybe you’d trace
your tongue
over me,
as if I were the icing of a sonnet.

If I were written,
I wonder if you’d try me
at all.

shaqyl