i believe my belief

it just so happens that two of my friends are planning their anniversary with their other half at the same time. one of them couples is no longer a couple but the girl insists on preparing gifts for the boy. which i think i a sweet gesture and it shows that she treasures their relationship. her package consists of a CD which has a video presentation (collage of photos of them, words etc.), a couples t-shirt (which i designed...(my first!)) and ouh god i can't remember...never mind.

the other couple is happily together, may that last. i do not know if she has a package...but i do know that she wants to make a video presentation too (cause she asked me to help make it). still in the process of making it...

my point for this post is not to inform you of that. my point would be the whole picture in which the anniversary is a small part. the big picture i'm talking about is this 'couples' thing.

do not take my view so seriously, for it is merely my humble view.

i do not understand of the whole hype of 'coupling'. if you ask me...i'd say i belief in love after marriage. i truly do. and i belief that there is only one person that you truly and wholly love with all your heart and you want to spend your life with that said person. call me old fashion i do not mind. i believe what i believe.

one thing that i did not know about me until recently is, i have the capability to love someone. don't be surprised. given the events in my life, you really can't blame me for not believing in love. for not believing that it exists.

that is until i was trapped in it. i have gotten myself tangled in it.

i didn't know when it happened, why it happened? why to me? i was dumbfounded.

honestly i have no experience what so ever in this field. this love thing.

the occasional crush, of course. i have many. but believe me, that is as far as it goes.

a mere crush.

then it hit me...this love thing. it hit me right in the face. pulled the carpet under me...and i slipped right into it.

i am not strong.

lemme tell you that.

just as out-of-the-blue as it hit me, it left me.

just like that. like chipsmore..^_^v

kejap ade kejap tade.

and nothing in between. nothing like the stories i hear, nothing like the scenes i witness, nothing like what it's hyped up to be.

just nothing. there's a beginning and an ending but not the middle part. the middle part is missing.

do i long for it? i won't lie. yes i do. i am human after all. but am i sad that i didn't have that? partly. figure that out yourself.

tell me then, do i consider that as an experience in this 'couples' thing?

if you ask me...

me : no.

i do not want that.

what i want is a marriage. a marriage that is parallel with my belief.