within tears.

Within tears, find a hidden laughter;
seek treasure amid ruins, sincere one.

-Mathnawi [VI, 1586]


i have come to realise that there's is really good in everything that happens, even the bad happenings. perhaps this is because i myself have been through what i can surely say the worst time of my life. everything just happened to happen at the same time. the unfortunate twist in my study life, the fall of my family, the rekindled friendship with my love(it really is a bad thing cause it kills me). it was surprising the way i handled it. i was crushing to pieces inside, though i never showed it to anyone. no one knows the true extent of the damage. but i was able to get use to it without much trouble. it was as if they(the problems) were always there. like this blind was lifted to reveal the sorrows within. that twist in my study, i knew my past mistakes will come and haunt me. i just didn't know that it would cause a disaster this big. the fall of my family? well, my family was never whole, it is physically. emotionally and spiritually, never. the matter of whole or not does not really matter. i know that however much we bicker, they will always be there for me(except for my father). don't get me started on him. i do not love nor do i hate him. it is the worst a family member could ask for, i feel nothing towards him. that is the truth. i used to look up to him. we used to, my brother and i. now, that is the past that will never be the present. the rekindled friendship? i truly am having a difficult time accepting the fact that i am just a friend. that is all i can say about that.