Thursday, December 18, 2008

18th Dec 08 chocolate

'twas my sister's we baked her a cake~

TAGGED by Asna

The last person to tag you is...


Your 5 impressions towards him...

-TALKATIVE (the good kind)

The most memorable thing he had done for you...

hmm i can't remember~ sorry asna!!! (i'm soo forgetful these days)

If he becomes your lover, you will...

be shocked!

If he becomes your enemy, you will...

turn back time and correct it

If he becomes your lover, he needs to improve on...

his height

If he becomes your enemy, the reason is...

no idea~

How do you think people around you feel about you...

"She is too tall!"

The character of yourself is...

many facets

The most ideal person you want to be is...

me. a better more close-to-perfect version that is :P

For person who cares or likes you, say something for them...

love me. don't crush me

10 people to tag...


Who is number 2 having relationship with ?

number 7

Is number 3 a male or female ?


Is num 7 and 10 together would be a good thing ?

nope. both are guys~

How about number 5 and 8 ?

both are guys as well

What is number 1 studying ?

URP changed to HS (possibly Psychology)

When was the last time you had a chat with them ?

now and then...

Is number 4 single ?


Talk something about number 2...

oh i would need some ( a lot) of time to do that. just read about her and her writings here

Penang 2008

oh yes! i went to penang~ (5th-7th DEC 2008)

with munira. we stayed at kim's house.

Asna was supposed to come along but his mom fell down and cracked her back. so he has to stay back and take care of her and his siblings. we were bummed out he couldn't join. asna is so much fun!

we planned to go to the Penang Jazz Festival and we did! Adibah Noor was there. We went for the saturday show (6th Dec) specifically to see her. and guess what? we got a lot more~

Steve Hackett was there. he is truly wicked!! also Djabe was amazing~

i had a great time there with great company and a great tour guide (kim).

next time we're in penang we're gonna stay at the Cheong Fatt Tze Mansion.

Asna, you must come next time!


Botanical Garden

Jazz Fest


read that first then read this




yup we found a middle-earth like place here in the middle of the city!

i've gotta tell you, i went "subahanallah!" countless times.

Bukit tabuh is absolutely breath-takingly amazingly wonderfully beautiful place!

i didn't want to leave the place..

see for youself~ but the real thing is so MUCH MORE, thousand times better!

bukit mas water tank. that's where we started

the way up

munira and i

just GREEN

this is the gang

that's me!

that's my battle wound [read:leech-bite (i got 7)]

rock climbing!!

high up there~

two different worlds~ (that's the klang dam btw)


when we finally came down at the klang gate, we rested for a while before walking back 6km to the car (our starting point). my body gave away when walking up the hill where the car was. i just sat there, in the middle (okay, side) of the road and waited for them to come down for us.

then we heade to melawati for nasi ayam. and when i got up to walk to the car, my legs (thighs) cramped up. i couldn't it was painful! cramps are common for wasn't a big deal :)

i truly had the best day ever!

all thanks to MUNIRA for inviting~

P/S: credits to munira for some of the pictures (you know which moon)


i apologize from every cell in my being for the long long hiatus,
for going MIA and for losing my short story file~

wait what?

yup that's right folks i LOST it. i have no idea where i saved it. there was one copy in my (read: my bro's) thumbdrive but i deleted it off cause, well, cause i thought i saved it somewhere else as in my computer or laptop. turns out i DIDN't! haih...typical shaqyl move~

oh well i could always write another. BUT not at the moment cause i'm swamped with designing projects. who would've thought i'd still be doing this? EVERYONE of course. hm, my doctor said i still couldn't let go. then again how could i? it's sort of like second nature to me. i told her, perhaps i never will~

anyways yup lots to do. no holiday for me eyh

1. Websites (2 and more coming my way)
2. PR proposal for FFC (flag football club) (which i have submitted my draft but no one else seems to care to do their part...lalala~) (i still need to work on the posters!)
3. A design concept for a single release ( for a friend)
4. I forgot!!! (hmm it'll come to me later~)

Sunday, November 02, 2008


we are to do a short story, a narrative essay for writing class.

will be posting it here when i've done it.

it's due Nov 6th.

have so many ideas!! as usual fragments of them~

why do we do it? why do i?

why do we procrastinate till the very last minute then regret doing it but proceed to do it all over again come next task?

just because we're humans?

perhaps that's the excuse we give.

reminder to shaqyl: go do your assignments now!!!

broadcast day! radio project!

almost done. (yea right!) lots to do.

the script!!!! is NOT done!

isabel and sabrina are supposed to do it. i've reminded them one too many times.....

well lemme tell you what's done

Public Service Announcements (PSAs)
Capsules (-Scariest Places)
Station ID
Promotions (-Roxy, Quicksilver, Fitness First)

here are the posters.....

^ this one is the first draft....didn't use it. only the two above are used.

drops on the way home

i spent a day with him. not exactly a day.

supposedly 'my day' but there were interferences

not that i mind. well i do mind. especially the second one which i suggested.

hated myself for that.

but what am i to do?

the floods came rushing when i was on the bus on my way back home. i cried silently.
i took the back seat.

nobody noticed.

the whole time.....during the day, i had a question bursting to be let out

"what would you do if i left you?"

it never surfaced. i couldn't.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

support him!

remember this?

now it's an album already!!


it's free people~


thousands of apologies for not updating for quite a long time

so many things to say and yet i stay away..^_^

got my room back! yay me! we set up a new bed in the old computer room for grandma. now i don't have to 'merempat' anymore. got my computer back as well but sadly without Internet connection. we transferred the router to the dining hall cause my bro wants to be connected by network cables instead of wireless cause he's in charge of downloading stuffs. which means...the router is further away from my room...cables aren't long enough =_='

the wireless signal doesn't reach my room...too many obstacles (walls). i still hog my bro's computer then..haha. he complains about but i have a good come back now don't i?

things in school is not so great either...we have this radio project going where we have to produce a two-hour radio show. i'm the station manager. two of my group mates are not doing their part and to further increase my blood pressure they are putting the blame on me and the other group mates. ooh there's a lot of drama involved...lets not talk about that.

green team had a birthday party for azwar last monday. i actually met a few of my friends that night (i always do when i go to gombak). Ajmal came down from kuantan for an event (student excellence award. ajmal's a straight A student mind you, and he's doing medicine, my former ELS president). got to see him after 3 years! then bumped into taufiq, najwa (who also came down for the awards), shereen, firwan, hasbi...and a few others.

i'm always re-energized after a day or more spent at gombak. i just love the environment there.

as for my journey towards re-entering gombak. well, i'm currently drafting a letter to be sent to Ust Hamidon. Zayan suggested i do that. perhaps i'll have a shot. even if it is a long shot.

what else?? hmm...lots to write about, and it's all coming to me at one go. can't separate them...aiyoo..will update later la

oh yea the topic's supposed to be for another a reminder for me

teach me to live

you're torturing me with an arrow
a blunt dagger, just above, hovering,
it gives me hope however,
just end this, end my sorrow

my one-man army preparing solely
against red-painted skies of enemy
merging with forests of allies
marching towards me remorseless

remember once you saw of bright visions
intertwining clutches of passion
making precise images of our future
and said "I’m going to take you further now"

have I mention of grey nights?
evolving slowly, seeping into the essence
bringing forth thousands of suffocating fumes
slithering mysteriously by inches

triangle tethers are forged mercilessly
forced to be worn leaving distinguishing marks
throwing all off balance in the chaos
our threshold is unsteadied by animosity

stop threading on my land
leaving muddy trails, stepping on blood of hurt
crushing new pockets of life
just finding the meaning of growth

orange leaves are soaring aimlessly
as if mocking me silently laughing continuously
to petty arguments, picking fights
give in if you must but keep your pride

I watch drops of rain colour the pavement
darker gaps between sun beams clearer
cracks on walls arranging layered patterns
saying one thing or another

I hear now chatters of life around me
young lives emit rhythmic inscriptions
happy notes stirs envy in my hollowed grounds
partly urging me to stand and see

perhaps it is time to sing out loud
write on soft waves in the wind or so
sway me to uncharted depths of new worlds
teach me to live wordless and proud

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

god is with the brohenhearted

When Moses conversed with God, he asked, "Lord, where shall I seek You?"

God answered, "Among the brokenhearted."

Moses continued, "But, Lord, no heart could be more despairing than mine."

And God replied, "Then I am where you are."

-Abu'l-Fayd al-Misri, "The Kashf al-Mahjub"

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


called bodyshop, but they said they can't let me join. worth the try anyway. there's another possibility of things actually working out in my favour right? so, yea~

there's next year's to look forward to. ameen.

also, didn't get to sleep in the LRT on the way back cause my bro picked me up from school.

after which we went to pick up our money. earlier in january, we did this survey thing. where you count cars, bikes etc. at a certain road during peak hours. got 56rm. yay~

gonna save that for penang!


my bro will be getting a DSLR~ can't wait!


smile, even when no one is looking.


you don't take a photograph. you ask, quietly, to borrow it.

Monday, September 15, 2008

fixing the unfixable..

now it's easier to find the way~


i got to thinking the other day...

i realised that i find (or they come to me) things to fix and fix it. and almost all the time i would be able to.

however, it hit me one day that i prolly fix things for others because i can't fix mine.

the three most biggest buggers in my life. two of 'em aren't present right now so perhaps i can push that to the tray marked 'later'. technically one is present but not physically. so i just won't count it...

the biggest of the biggest buggers is the one that i constantly think about. even more so on Mondays.

i might be contradicting my sentence before this, but Mondays have become my favourite day of the week. it sort of gives me two opposite feelings. in which i try to not think of the negative one until later that day during the one hour i take to fall asleep.

as for the positive energy i get from Mondays, i soak in every single bit of it and save it for the week long.

it is difficult for me to let go. it is difficult to let go.

i'm not ready yet. i haven't given up. i still have barrels of hope. and He is with me.


i had a wonderful meeting yesterday with GT.

we had new faces, zalikha (moon's studio mate), maryam (moon's sister) and claro (azwar's friend from the football club).

and for the second time in a row, azwar was present. i invited him though.

although yesterday, i had another realization, perhaps azwar doesn't really want to be there? does he feel forced to come? cause i have invited him quite a number of times...but to come two times in a row?

this is what was running across my mind last night "should i invite him again or should i just leave it open?"

because i do not want him to feel obliged to come just because of the insignificant favours i did for him.

aah come to think of it..i'm thinking too much. i shall stop now. by the way why am i even talking about azwar aka malaysian william hung???? meh~

---topic changing----

kim and shany are going to the international coastal cleanup in kuantan this weekend. which is so cool!

i only noticed the due date the day after it. i was thinking of asking kim if she would be going.

aah silly mistake!

anyway will try calling them and ask if i could join. worth a try ain't it


currently in the computer lab in school waiting for the next class. since it's ramadhan. if not i would be munching on several things down at the cafe. haha.

the unreliable LRT broke down again today. i reached my 8am class at 9am! thank God my attendance was accepted despite.

slept the whole way. head bobbing up and down. not very ladylike I KNOW. who cares? i was freakin' tired and sleepy.

planning on sleeping on the way back as well. looking forward to it :p


well i'll just go back to surfing now~

à tout à l'heure

Sunday, September 14, 2008

A man went back to transgressing after he had sincerely asked forgiveness of God and swore never to sin again. "How will God forgive me this time?" he asked in despair.

A heavenly voice responded, "You obeyed Me and I made amends for you, then you abandoned Me and I indulged you, and now that you returned to Me I shall receive you."

-Al-Hujwiri, "The Kashf al-Mahjub"

sambungan kepada szakif~

okay gambar dr depan sudah diperolehi.

kiri:imran kanan:nabil

Sleep, angels will watch over you
And soon, beautiful dreams will come true.
Can you feel spirits embracing our souls
So dream, while secrets of darkness unfold.

( Hayley Westenra, Prayer )
Maturity is the ability to do a job whether or not you are supervised, to carry money without spending it, and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.
Write the bad things that are done to you in sand, but write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble.

-Arabic Proverb


The Ineffable, about which is spoken, is not the eternal Ineffable
A name for the Unnameable, is but a name
The Unnameable is what makes everything what it is
By naming things you divide the Indivisible
Only one who gives up all his desires can experience the Indivisible
One who still cherishes desires, will experience only dissension
Both will see the same reality, but experience it differently
One who goes from the false reality into the other,
Will pass through the narrow gate and receive the secret of true life

The Tao Te Ching of Lao Tzu

in between

You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you . shaqyl.

Friday, September 12, 2008

speaking in public


Good morning to Miss Nurzihan and to all.

If I were a philosophical extremist, I would hand pick several hundreds of people of the best features and attributes and keep them in an underground safe place. Then I will have everything blown up and destroyed to dust. I will build up everything from scratch with the utmost proper planning. But as we have learned through history, even when Noah brought onto his arc with him the believers, whom can be considered as a morally elite group at that time, while God drowned everyone else, the troubles of the world did not end, but instead it was reborn and carried forward to this day. Being an extremist is not the ultimate answer. That is why we humans have been scratching our heads figuring out how to manage all this madness.

So, I am standing here in front of you today with my proposal I made from a lot of head-scratching.

If I were prime minister...I would opt to practice secularism with a twist. What is secularism you ask? It is a principle of promoting secular ideas or values. I would adapt the secular ideology but with significant differences from an overall secular country to best suit Malaysia.

A secular state is a state or country that is officially neutral in matters of religion, neither supporting nor opposing any particular religious beliefs or practices. A secular state also treats all its citizens equally regardless of religion, and does not give preferential treatment for a citizen from a particular religion over other religions. Most often it has no state religion or equivalent. If there is a state religion, this should have only a symbolic meaning, not affecting the ordinary life of its citizens, and especially not making any distinction based on some one's religion.

It is also described to be a state that prevents religion from interfering with state affairs, and prevents religion from controlling government or exercising political power. Laws protect each individual including religious minorities from discrimination on the basis of religion.

If I were prime minister, we will have religious bodies for each faith to act as an advisory and consultancy institution for the parliament when it comes to matters regarding the respective faiths. I will have religious laws that concern only those within a particular faith and make these laws strong enough for that particular religion's religious officials to observe the believers' morals. Furthermore, I would have the parliament set up inter-faith laws, such that even atheists can not disrupt the inter-faith harmony without being brought up to the inter-faith court. I would have also a general religious court, where all religious matters of any faith will be dealt with, with the judges being well trained in their respective faith's laws, as for the inter-faith court, religious conversions fall under it including the changing on identification card details, inheritance policies and management of the dead. With the inter-faith court comes a body to deal with complications regarding conversions and to advise the parliament on matters concerning the inter-faith harmony i.e forming of laws.

Other than that, if I were prime minister, I would recognize all the potential art we have budding in this nation. This includes music, cinematography, various forms of visual art and more other categories you would have in an art community. If you really open your eyes to all this, you will see that we have the tools and we have the talents. What we do not have is the support from the government. If the government were to give funding and support to these people, there is great potential for us to be recognized as a country for its creative juices. We can have local stations air a significant amount of local acts, pushing foreign acts to second in priority. We already have certain rules governing the media, so we have the means to achieve this at minimal cost. In addition to that, airing more local acts would keep the royalty money flowing internally and that in turn would help our economy. While it is accepted that art should not be forced to a certain direction, the government should give a hand in exposure. Since we would set quotas on our broadcast stations, we can utilize this to support the local art scene by giving advertising discounts for art-related events.

As for the development of the country, in short, if I were prime minister, I would improve the planning of cities. If you have noticed we have really bad city planning. Everything is topsy-turvy. Several general amenities are not well kept or not in existence at all in some places. Which is a big turn-off for foreigners. How are we to generate foreign investors in this condition? Take Kuala Lumpur for instance, it was not formed with much planning in mind, but it can be fixed with careful planning. This is one way to give jobs to those many unemployed graduates! We will not go around destroying buildings which is not in the right spot, we would instead try to plan around it. Improve anything that needs improving, build what needs to be built and destroy things that serve no purpose but shall do so in caution so that buildings that hold a significant heritage value will be preserved. We have so few of those heritage buildings, it is important that we save them for the future generation to have as a symbol that there was a time when buildings did not look like a glass tube in the sky. A special branch would be formed under all the city hall to identify, restore and preserve historical areas and buildings. This in turn can be used as recreational and tourism purposes. I hope to see each town have their own historical spot(s) so that no matter where one goes in this country there is always an interesting place to visit. However, attention on preserving the past shall not affect the focus on the future. We shall build from our historical foundations and sprint forward to compete in the global economy. While the heritage sites will boost the tourism economy we will also continue with industrial and business developments. We will see to it that we do not waste taxpayers money by initiating more development corridors. Instead we will focus on further improving the existing ones to gain investors confidence and to expand these corridors if necessary. This will not only elevate the nation's economy, it also creates more jobs for the people.

I have more plans for this nation of ours if I were prime minister, but let me just stop here and end with a note of hope.

Malaysians, as a nation, need to know that nation building is their responsibility and that they are empowered through national policy formulated and approved in Parliament to do this. The laws of this nation cannot be amended or changed without a regard for its citizens. They also need to know support and resources are offered equitably to all Malaysians from the treasury of Malaysia's wealth. Then all Malaysians will take ownership and be accountable for rise or fall of this nation.


had to give a speech on "if i were president..."

15% marks!

you know i had full attention when i was giving my speech. haha

it was prolly cause they were trying to figure out what i was talking about.

later when i was done. Miss Z asked me how old i was and i said 21.

she replied "i think your speech was a bit too mature for the class" "i understood and liked it though~"


(fyi: most of my class are 18 year olds)

come on~

Thursday, September 11, 2008


i think i'll continue the post wee... waaay later on...(now that's funny when you say it loud)


so i went for the weekly meeting of GreenTeam (GT) last Monday. we planned on having the meeting then break fast together.

something of miracle happened that day....(lol)

well i was minding my own business at the computer room in college, suddenly my phone vibrated signaling a received message. it was from azwar. "aight i postponed my plans. so details for today?" or something along that line.

imagine the shock i had!! azwar finally agreeing to accept our invitation??? (if you were me or one of those who have been trying to ask azwar to come to something for a long time you would be shocked as well)

stared at the phone for some 5 mins then...
bloody hell! i haven't credit to reply! (the irony i tell you, usually azwar's the one without credit)

then it so happened that kim called me asking if i were free to go meet a lady we met at FFF. unfortunately i was not..had another class i had to go to before heading to gombak. i asked if she could send azwar the details of the day. kim agreed. and so, i left it at that. i went on to class still in the state of shock the whole time.

then later at about 15 mins to 5 azwar sent me another msg. "so?"

is suppose kim didn't send him the details. well i don't really blame her, it's prolly either she forgot or she thought the better of it. since she is one of those who have been inviting azwar to events but all to no avail. =)

then i called him using the house phone...but he didn't pick up. another try. he answered

"in class"

"oh um no credit"

"call me at 5"


yes, i went back home first before heading to gombak had to pick up the gift for azwar.

when i reached setiawangsa station...i bought a top up card.
sent a message to azwar.
azwar called back and asked if he could come closer to iftar time cause he has football practice.
i said, sure.

when i reached KAED and told kim and moon that azwar was coming they were, yup you guessed it, shocked!

"azwar's coming??"
"so how did you persuade him?" kim asked, i said i didn't even pull out the big guns...

wow. sufficient to say that's what we felt.

we waited for zayan, asna, naz and haneesa to come and decided to have our iftar at a restaurant outside of campus which is walking distance from the back gate.

zayan informed azwar of the plan.

we walked to the place (which was reeking of garbage smell. ignored) .

i suggested that we order tomyam and the side dishes instead of individual orders.

moon said "you mean like a family?? yay!"

yup that's what i was going for. we are sort of like a family. a very greeny one at that. haha.

and so we ordered and waited for iftar. crapping about stuffs. picking on naz for the littlest things. he's such an easy target. no offense naz! kitorang ngumpat pasal die kat depan mate pun tak sedar haih naz...i guess he's too in love to notice the world around him what more to care...LOL. perhaps.

...about 5 mins to iftar azwar called kim. since he tried calling me and i didn't answer (which i realised when he called kim. my phone has no sound. result of dropping it one too many times)

asking where we were. what?? zayan told him kn~ haih.

can you believe it he actually ran (most of the way) to the restaurant?? he didn't make it before iftar though. he arrived when we all have finished our meal. we tried hard not to finish the lauk-s. the ikan 3 rase. fuu...zayan was eyeing it. haha

we felt bad after that.

suh dtg byk kali da....bile finally dtg buat ktrang rase besalah ajak him in the first place. =_='

azwar~ azwar~

then on the way back to campus...i gave him the gift. it was a tshirt i bought in CM with kim. kim chipped in on it.

went to pray maghrib in KAED and continued our meeting. since we haven't really discussed any of the agendas...

watched 10 tahun sebelum merdeka

and then we dispersed.

zayan gave me a lift home.


we also made plans to go to penang during the December holidays!

here's to hoping it works out well!!


Monday, September 08, 2008


first time i'm writting from somewhere other than my home..

haha...feels like you're a writer. reporting. silly i know~;p

so yea, currently waiting for my next class which is 2 hours from now.

lots happened during the weekend. i volunteered for FFF 08 along with kim, adam, shany and zayan. since i was ushering people into the screening room i got to watch the films shown. and on friday we went a bit ealier so that we could catch a screening without having to worry about tasks.

i'll tell you this, if you were there, now you would have a different perspective on life.

the film are of real life, real people, real events!

i am a people person so it's sufficient to say that i had a great time...

got a free tshirt, stickers, an awesome belt which was made by indigeneous people (kim and i bought the same one except hers is with small beads and mine a tad larger), a bracelet by the same people who made the belt, got to meet intereting people, freaky people (kim and adam would know haha~) and gained experience and contacts.

so in the future i can do more volunteer works. i find peace there with the others volunteering selflessly, putting others first. just imagine..

there are much more severe happenings out there, be it our neighbouring countries or the other end of the world...we are all humans, and the same regardless. if we could just open our eyes a bit wider and we will see that instead of revolving our lives around ourselves why not look ahead at others in need. perhaps by doing that we could achieve greater height and may find in the end what we were looking for all a long...


that someone called me the other day. he was feeling down i guess, cause that's when he usually finds me; when he's sad, troubled, in trouble, in need of a hand.

"i just felt like calling, i didn't think of what to say." that's what he said after a hour has past.

he said he saw this episode in House, and a scene in it reminded him of us.

he felt guilty. wanting to see how i was living.

i told him i was fine. i'm taking each day as it comes.

he said "somehow that doesn't convince me"

i was silent. though i felt like screaming at him. "how could i be fine? how could i be content after that? how can i have the feeling of being alive? why?? why are you doing this to me? bringing this up now? after all this time i've spent picking up the pieces, you are back to scatter them again."

he asked me again and again "is there anything you'd like to say?" he said

gotta go. will continue later~

Tuesday, September 02, 2008


someone asked me today...

"what is the difference between a person who does only religious rites but acts like a complete fool when in society and a person who is extremely kind and generous but does not perform the obligatory religious rites?"

the person with the question is a non Muslim.

my answer to him,

"i may not be of position to answer this question but i will try. but know that what i say is merely my opinion and of what i have learned, i may be wrong. do not take my word as the complete truth. Well, I'll be talking in the Muslim context if you don't mind. the person who is kind and generous to other people is completely wasting his/her time, well maybe not completely but if he/she can do good to people why not just perform the obligatory rites? with it combined together you'll get a better chance to go to heaven no? cause helping people comes after the five daily prayers, if the pillars (because prayers are considered the pillars of Islam) of the religion is not there then how can you presume that your good deeds will be enough to uphold Islam? and the person who does the rites but is a complete opposite of character when he/she is not doing religious acts, well this person is also sort of wasting his/her time, when he/she can be decent enough to perform the obligatory rites then why is he/she not acting as the Quran calls to? if this said person is really doing the rites full-heartedly, reads the Quran, he/she will not be doing the complete opposite of what the religion commands am i not right? in Islam i believe that we are called to be balance in our lives. in the this world and the world after. It isn't as simple as conducting ONLY good deeds and ONLY praying and it isn't complicated as well. I can bring you stories of long past matyrs if you want. you may find more answers in them."

can i have your opinions please? on the matter of the question and also the answer i gave.


i just saw this amazing converrt story on youtube yesterday(moon recommended them to me. thank you~~!), and there was this one thing that the guy mentioned. it's about the brother at the mosque that he went to, to get info on Islam. the guy asked questions and the brother, instead of giving answer from his own thoughts and opinion he gave answers by referring to the Quran. this surah & verse, and that surah & verse.

truly i agree with the brother. and today when i finished my answer to the question above. it striked me that i was giving my opinion on the matter. i felt guilty, all over.. like i had just projected a different image of Islam.

please correct if i am wrong...

these are the youtube links

part one

part two

kepade szakif

yg pakai baju biru tu (tgh tarik seluar hammam). haih tak jumpe gambar muka die la.

nnt sy g gmbk sy amik gambar muka die eh

Monday, September 01, 2008

fragments of a soul drifting in the sky of my mind

then i would have no heart,
no words,
i would be still,
and still...i wish.


once i remember,
you talked of wide
endless fields.

once i saw,
you did things that
made me grin inside.

once i felt,
thunderstorms on my skin
lighting dances within.

once i heard,
songs of promises
honey tasted like dull sweets.

once i spoke,
of a future i was certain
i could have.

and once i played,
the wise and foolish game
not knowing better.

once i wished
once i was
but now i am

and finally,
you fled.


another look from you takes another piece of me.


my soul window
bleeds black tears
and they say you reap
what you sow.


you left me there alone
watching drops of rain turn
the pavement a darker colour.

blood-dark swift clouds
slowly seeping across the vast sky
and to my heart they settled.


from afar it looks solid
come closer and you'll see
the hallowed circles etched
don't push me, see,
i am human still.


like a lamppost
waiting for the stars
so it can shine on tears
and scars.


oh pieces of cracked pots lying around in my notebook.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

wishes from the whiteseeker to the world

Ramadhan is so beautiful, A time when we are free from the shaytaan.
May peace and blessings of Allah be upon His Beloved Prophet Muhammad
and May he be pleased with his family, and his companions.
May Allah grant us acceptance of our sowm in the coming month of Ramadhan.
May Allah grant us steadfastness in the blessed month of Ramadan.
May Allah place mercy, forgiveness, and love in our hearts.
May Allah shower us with his Forgiveness, and Mercy.
All Praise belongs to Allah, to Whom belongs The Kingdom of heaven and
Ya Allah to Thee we return and Thee alone.
Ya Allah to Thee we belong and Thee alone.
Ya Allah bless us to be amongst those whom are granted Jannatul Firdausa.
Ya Allah, Ya Allah. La illaha ill Allah.
Ameeen, Ya Rabill Ala Ameen.

*May Allah Accept your Fast (Ameen)
*May Allah Accept your Salaat (Ameen)
*May Allah Accept your Dua's (Ameen)
*May Allah Accept your deeds (Ameen)
*May Allah make your Dreams come true (Ameen)
*May Allah forgive you for the things you do wrong (Ameen)

bull's eye!

Persevere, have faith in His benevolence.
Through afflictions God only tests your faith;
He is completely aware of your condition.
Have patience and wait for the divine decree.
Do not become like the foolish laborer
who is removed from the king's palace
for demanding his wages ahead of time.

-Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jillani, "Fayuz E Yazdani"

sort of fits the occasion no?
here i am thinking of, thinking of giving up.
and this pops perfect is that?!

be patient and wait? how hard can that be?
i've only been doing that for 21 years

what's another decade or so? ^_^v

would you accept? can we?

God now said to Muhammad: 'I gave my past messengers many wise words to convey to the people; and these words were written down to guide future generations. Each of these messengers knew that I would send a further messenger to confirm the message I had given them. Do you accept this? Will you take up this burden?'

Muhammad answered: 'I accept.'

-Ibn Ishaq, "The Life of Muhammad"

also, check out this entry

don't you wish you could be in that usrah? such times would benefit us in many ways. also it can serve as a reminder of the beauty of Islam~

pieces that stood out...

Do not reveal to friends all the secrets you possess; they may one day become enemies. Do not inflict on enemies every injury in your power; they may one day become friends.

-Sadi, "Gulistan"


Once Luqman was asked how he had attained such merit. He replied, "By adhering to virtue, by fulfilling all pledges, and by giving up futile apprehensions."

-The Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reported by Malek bin Hawari


The intelligent person sees with the heart
the result from the beginning;
the one lacking in knowledge
only discovers it at the end.

-Mathnawi [V, 2570]


-strive to be that person-

Saturday, August 30, 2008

asna, this is for you

words can not describe how i truly miss studying architecture~ T~T

keep looking up~

the title= azwar said that to me when i finally told him the story of my horrible week and how i am tired of all this...just tired. i need a break from this excruciating soul torment...

-excuse the tone of overly describing feelings/things-

so yea, had a terrible (to the power of ten) week, had worst though. let that be.

talk about this week first.

i kinda got my hopes up too high, when appealing for the second time for re-ad to IIU. this time around i told Bro Hisham about it. well shafiq did after we met in the lrt. then Bro Hisham called me and asked to see him.

and so i went. told him the whole story. he asked to do a list of what happened and when. i did. handed it in. he read it. told me he'd get an appointment with the dean. he did. we went, Bro came with me. i explained my situation. he listened. then he called the sciences dept.

at that time in my head, "here we go again"

however i heard that sciences has got a new deputy dean, i was glad to hear that. perhaps this deputy dean will understand where i stand.

to my dismay, he was not in. another Bro came in his place.

surprise surprise~ the same Bro when i first appealed came.

that's when all my high high hopes came crashing dust.

and as i expected, no surprise there. on Wednesday i got the letter from sciences. my appeal has been rejected. again.

that's one thing about the said blood-sucking darkness of this week.


started my new semester over at KDU (kolej duit utama-as they so cleverly calls it)

classes everyday! starts at 8 ends at 3/4. means i have to get up at 6 to make the 2 hour journey there. *#^$#*#@ bus system.

i was late for about 3 out of 5 morning classes this week. not late 5@10 mins. get this 45 mins late.

oh yea and on monday, i reached class at 8.45 (by the way, thank you for not informing of the change of venue). sat down for 3 mins.

-class over-


supposedly the class was until 10. but sir had something to do so he ended it earlier.


had a fight with aiman. (you don't want to know)


the usual home problems. (neither will you want to know this) (plus it's a loooooooooo (insert more 'o's here) ng story


back aches




found out i have astigmatism in my left eye


lack of appetite


three boring lecturers (seriously, they were once students too right?)


oh enough of reminiscing the week. doing this gets my blood pressure rising too fast too furiously.


thank you azwar, as you put it you may not have been present all the time, but i appreciate it when you are.

Friday, August 15, 2008


i just realised

that i

have posted

two entries

with the



in its title

in the

same week


life and mine

life can be defined in so many ways.
as is the way people go through it.
as is the facets of it.
as is the trials and tribulations of it.
as is the people it is given to.
as is everything.
even death.

so why is it that some refuse to look at things from a different angle?
why is it difficult for some to accept that perhaps there's another way to look at it?

in typing in this entry, i am reminding you and i of the fact that somethings need to be approached differently for it to make sense or to be solved to the extend that which it satisfies all the parties that will be affected.

currently frustrated with IIU. why is it hard for them to admit that they could be wrong?

and i have to take the blame for it?

it is easy for 'him' to say that "maybe this is meant to happen, you will have to accept this and go on"

but it isn't entirely my fault!!!!

i have no proof to show, that is why they are all being unpleasant to me except for one nice man who believes me and wants to help me settle this.

because truthfully, i cannot bear the huge weight of guilt of draining my mum's hard earned money to pay for my tuition fees anymore than ever...

i need this. i need to get back into IIU. for my and my mum's sake.


i pray only to You for guidance and patience in adversity.

help me~ -_-"

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

be satisfied in joy

Do not think of God as isolated from his creation. Do not think of God as bound by rules. Do not compare God with any other entity. Beware of thinking of God as remote.

You are not God; and you are God. You see him in the essences of all things; yet he is boundless.

-Ibn Arabi, "Fusus al-hikam"

Seek what you wish from God, not from men.
Be satisfied in joy; there is honor therein.
On friends and relatives be not a burden.
Rich is he who hopes from God, not from men.

-Al-Ghazzali, "Ihya Ulum Id-Din"

a trip to life

the side effects are starting to kick in now. agitation. on going headaches. fatigue. lack

of appetite. the urge to vomit everything i eat. stuffs like that.

it is uncomfortable but i am used to it. you must remember that this isn't my first time.

people around me say, it's all in the mind. you just have to think it off. how do i use this

power of the mind when my spirit is running on empty? i often wonder how i am getting on.

what makes me wake in the morning. how i could still have the energy to pretend that i am


perhaps i still have the will to live. perhaps even if i think that i am hopeless and may

have lost my faith, there's still hope and faith in me without me realising it's there.

i wonder what is in store for me when i do get pass this phase. perhaps i am living based on

that curiosity, that curiosity of what the future holds. i believe so. it fits.

there is this thought, when one doesn't have a family, one creates it with people around.

how do you do that when people around won't let you in?

'everybody belongs somewhere', maybe some are just lost. i have a feeling that i belong in

that group. constantly finding my way, finding that place where i belong. sometimes i think

i have found that place, i was there all along. that place where lost people are. it a

place, it's somewhere and i belong there.

i will and i am going on. i will never give up, i may give in and i may stop for sometime

but i won't give up till i've reach the future and find out what it holds for me. i owe that

to myself.

to succeed and strive in this journey we call life.

and our journey never ends. one journey that ends starts a new one. we are travellers.

our guide is the MAN UPSTAIRS.

i'll be fine. i am always fine.

give me something to hold on to

stories of fairies i still believe
of little people and politeness
the life that leads to happiness for all times
it still exists in my mind
i guess growing up isn't as hard as i thought
i still have my imagination that kid inside
stumbling across the straight path
finding new ways to walk
i can't seem to stop
the wind comes as it pleases
sweeping me up everytime i look down
there will be tomorrow when today's brown
there is faith when hope is gone
the sanguine youth
the sadness of betrayal will last
the sweetness of laughter everyday is forever

give me colours so i can paint

give me love so i can live

give me you so i'll have us

Monday, August 04, 2008

humor me

from Beliefnet

One of the requirements of every commencement speaker is that they offer some advice. Well, get ready, here it comes.

Soon you will be leaving the company of those who think they have all the answers—your professors, instructors and counselors—and going out into what we like to call the real world. In time you will meet up with other people who think they have all the answers. These people are called bosses. My advice is: humor them.

A little later you will meet additional people who think they have all the answers. These are called spouses. My advice is: humor them, too.

And if all goes well, in a few years you will meet still another group of people who think they have all the answers. These are called children. Humor them.

Life will go on, your children will grow up, go to school, and someday they could be taking part in a commencement ceremony just like this one. And who knows, the speaker responsible for handing out good advice might be you. Halfway through your speech, the graduate sitting next to your daughter will lean over and ask, “Who is that woman up there who thinks she has all the answers?” Well, thanks to the sound advice you are hearing today and that I hope you will all pass on, she will be able to say, “That is my mother. Humor her.”

so go on, humor me, yourself and others..^_^v

Monday, July 21, 2008

a little gift from little me~

well, recently i realised that i've been making quite an mount of birthday cards....

just thought of posting it...

hee hee hee~

there you go...

sape nak tempah???


bole buat business kan?

tp saye ni tak reti nak mntk duit kat orang la..

susah la kalau cmtu kn?

ade sorang penah ckp kat saye...kalau dr dulu lg
(maksudnye 10thn dulu...sbb da 10thn saye mengunakn prog2 adobe)
saye charge...mesti saye da kaya gile aa...

hmm...tah la...

saye rase lebih senang kalau saye sekadar tolong orang...

kalau orang tu ikhlas nak bayar...saye amik kot?
mungkin mule mule susah saye nak amik
tp kalau pujuk skit...amik kot~

hmm...tgh nak cari duit la..nak beli handphone baru~
handphone ni da mule gile macam tuan die...